Void

..................??

2006-11-21T17:24:00.001+08:00

She'll trace the lingering words I left,
placating the sighs with whispers of her own,
the cutting edge of a double edged sword
that bled me dry from an autumn's war
of heartstones and trysts that
I would have deigned to keep,
if not for the way my blood pulsed,
yet how my heart failed to beat.

And she's the keepers keep
where little boys are prone to leave
their paper hearts on her shelves
of undusted age and portrayed mirages,
and twine themselves into her amber arms
and gossamer limned smiles,
where the words lose their depth
reasoning reduced to the barest
and most primitive of desires.

The lips lie but the eyes
ever so faintly betray the words.

..................??

2006-11-21T17:24:00.000+08:00

9135

2006-11-09T18:16:00.000+08:00

Set somewhere in the 18th century.As u can see its incomplete.

Untitled[Give it a title if you like]

We'd stare into the stars,watch as the constellations etched themselves into our memories.And we'd listen,though never close enough,to the sounds that equalled the sounds of heaven.But they'd always say,its just like looking down the surface of a mirrored pond,you never really know,what's staring right back at you.

He stared out at the vast expanse.The sun dappled the sky with hues of twilight,sweeping the canvas with great brilliant strokes.The waves rushed ashore,and he'd listen,as Mother Sea breathed her slow rasping breaths,content just to sit there and listen.He took the occasional swig from the half spent tankard,the ale burning down his throat.He paused mid-gulp as the shuffling of feet drew upon him,a slow raucous and lumbering gait that was all too distinct to him.

"Aye young lad,skiving off are we?"

He heard the deep full bodied voice draw close.A large,worn hand clasped his shoulder warmly.

"You've never been one for a quiet entrance are you uncle?The herds could've heard you a league away,the way you walk."

He turned to exchange smiles,scanning the calloused face of a man who'd seen better days.Deep lines ran through his face,the timeworn look of knowing that marked his age,yet his eyes betrayed the shaggy haggard appearence that bore him the resemblance to just about any peasant,they burned with the workings of a keen mind,eyes that told of an endearing soul.

"Tell me my boy,just what do you see in the ocean?"

He looked towards the distant horizon,where the sun vainly painted the vestiges that marked his passing.That too would fade,just as all things did,and another sort would come into being.

"The feeling of eternity.Isnt it?Staring out into something that's been here before us,preceding everything we know,and perhaps everything else in its own right.It's like sitting on the edge of a cliff,and staring down into a well,staring right down into answers to the incalculable questions that plague the multitude,be it the scholar,king, knight or peasant.It's as if it beckons us,calling with the voice of the ancients,only we never listen hard enough."

He sighed,running his hands through the mess of hair he kept.

"We seek answers in the places that touch some part of us,a part of us that came from the land,that tie us to the soil,the birds and even the trees.My boy one day we will find them,if not till our last breath."

His uncle smiled,that wide angled toothy smile of his that'd always warmed Raiyen.

"Come now,Agatha'll be toasting my arse for breakfast if I dont get ourselves back fer dinner lad.Go on,gather your stuff,my arse isnt as tasteful as i'd like it to be,besides there are some parts of me i'd much rather prefer te keep."

Family
-----------------------------------------

empty sheets

2006-10-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

She gives small nods to the trees
invitations to kiss with her hands
she'll have you beneath the sheets
a spent lover before dawn
if you let her have her way
with those misted eyes
glazed over lips with roses
that never die.

She's the first one to sigh
setting the wind on western shores
to the mellow moods of first light
that if Shakespeare not dead
he'd retire the sonnets and verse
to the flesh of a mother's womb
and keep the soft word of a lover
tightly wrapped
beneath the covers of furtive hearts.

She waits on the stars
to give her release
calling herself priviliged
to be alone in bed by
the mother ocean's clear liquor
accompanied by the dim lights
of self-lit candles
and the soft caress of
the empty sheets.

312

2006-09-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

And indefinitely the words will span
as stars try to quell the reach of hearts
and wishsongs
whilst the bitter emptiness is held
in a locket of maiden love
and childhood dreams

Exams.A bother to no end.Well hols in 4 weeks pretty much.Finally finished the first draft.Isnt too bad.Reads decently.Blogging..Why do it anyway?Expression fatalities..

somewhere in the bitterness

2006-09-22T17:00:00.000+08:00

holding him back without doing a thing

If autumn

If autumn forsake me dear spring
would you plant kisses on my brow?
as he once did when I fell beneath self-assumption
and let me hold your hand
to feel the warmth that once emanated
from his breath meeting mine.

If autumn departed us dear spring
would you let angst-ridden words lie?
and let yourself miss his silent knowingness
of how we'd react to everything he'd say
be it of the stars or lies.

If autumn passed dear spring
would you shed leaves for his loss?
and kiss the tressles of bitterness
that parted the longings long enough
to let the sighs fall from my lips
just so the roses would wither enough
to let room for the new ones.

crash and burn

2006-09-06T17:14:00.000+08:00

I swing for the covers of her hearts
She's hung on the farthest places
the stars havent gone yet
as the moons kiss her lips and she his
I'm crossing fingers she'll drop one my way
The slow serenading sighs she's playing
without even knowing take up my whole night

The makeup up of the first verse I guess.That was all the time we had to get down.Updation later.

Mixes

2006-08-19T14:18:00.000+08:00

When what's left
Are unsolicited kisses
That we stole on every verge
Its the stars that remind us
Of just how far we really were
From the truth.

The best I can come up with these days.

1892

2006-06-10T09:16:00.000+08:00

Alo pple.Reason I havent been on fer such a long time is cuz com's down AGAIN.N i cant be bothered to fix it...AGAIN...Guess where i am..At the airport before my flight using the free internet at Mac's..LOL..Life life life life...It's boorrriinn...But this 8 days are gonna rock...haha...Try n blog when i get bakc.. See ya...A realli old piece....
untitled

With curses the roses are met
By denied and bitterly spurned lovers
Sweetly painting such nostalgia
If words and gestures could dispel my woes
But a tryst is one if only met
By the moon and his night melody
And such the dye is set,
The kisses sealed
By a quiet dying lover.

13

2006-05-24T20:27:00.000+08:00

somebody gimme a reason te write. A dedication or somethin.I'm off form!!

untitled

Her lips are coordinates
For a hundred stars,galaxies and hearts
Celestial bodies giving in so easily
To you and your smiles.
Damn if I never told you enough
Or made it seem like I'd always sway
To the fringes of other hearts,
But the eyes are made heavy
When I find emotions play chase
With my words and thoughts
And all that comes out are bloody greetings
That seem like a fingertip brushing
The faintest trace of a sky
And I'll never find the alcoves
That hide such a furtive heart.

rara

2006-05-20T23:16:00.000+08:00

I'm back on e com!!Aint tat amazing.E com is fixed so I reckon I'll try and bore ur lifes again.Till another time.--The skies are lying arent they?An elegy kissed by the swtest face--

rar

2006-05-05T22:56:00.000+08:00

Mornings mornings mornings..I love the morning face..The looks that pple give u just aft the wake up or while they wake up..Personally I prefer the drunken looks..Looks like you stayed up all night taking ecs and then some..lol..Rar mids here..The historians benefit by not havin to study for ss..++++++..And my darling june hol hinges ever so heavily on my reslts..RAR!!! I'm not goin vietnam if I dont pass most of e subjects and atleast get a B3 average..Impossible?Impossible is nothing!The old Nike gis..Taking the advice of an uncle is a learning experience,the four things that a guy can always love no matter wat,the field,the court,my sweet beloved ring,and the track.They nvr lie.Lol.Rar too many random thoughts nowadays..Here's what I wrote fer e mids compo..A little edits here and there but basicly the same..Incomplete as the gma wails for me to "go to sleep lar"..

Poison

Poison.The entity that infests and pollutes.Be it the mind or body.The forms are many,its facets inumerable,yet it is the lies one tells to oneself,the constant utterance of make belief until what is merely fictious becomes a palpable reality,that is the truest form of such a being.And yet when one's sanity hinges on your ability to belief in falsities,the truth is but another fatality.

(The entry of Sandra,aged 15)

15 May 2004 Dear Diary,
Father has changed much since the loss of Mother.The toll is a nagging burden to him.And even though he kisses us each day,and whispers a promise to love and protect,as the days pass the kisses grow cold,and the promises half-hearted.The smiles are strained,his eyes glazed over and lost,the sweet disposition as someone who ruled strict yet loved with a fervour even harsher is lost.Dear diary even though Father walks and breathes so,his body is but a husk,and as I fear so terribly hard that this fails to be true,I fear diary that Father is already dead.

He picked the brush up,running it raggedly through his hair.Proud features lined a hard face,one made even harsher as the days wittled.

aurora

2006-04-22T21:41:00.000+08:00

Let bygones be bygones.

I'm sitting next to you
building planets around your sun
gravitating to you the way everything else does
and when I recede an arms length
you rope me in again
like stars and moonlight
that all lovers cant get enough of.

And the discerning smiles
laced so carelessly with carefree
pierce like shrapnel shots
a shock therapy i cant get over
just as all those lunatic lovers
that think pain is a painkiller
I'm beginning to think all too loosely.

Could'n you soften the bed of roses
Just as tenderly as the sky lies
And I'll pick the thorns myself
Nevermind the sting of red and ruby
I'll find some way to manage the bleeding
Just as I did,when you asked to let go.

023

2006-03-24T22:05:00.000+08:00

Things change,some perhaps simply because,others for reason logic or need,but change comes more or less,because it must...

.........

She kissed the sun while it strayed
On the golden tressles that fringed
The sweet smiles that part her lips.
Light blues,she slipped them on
Wearing their hues across her shoulders
Taking vespers whole,to a kiss and a sigh
Through and through win Jupiter's heart.

Bare isles of night and stars,
Caught in the sapphire drops
That plague the hazel streaked depths.
The winds made of with a sigh of hers
Intricately laced by silver lines
Where her breath met cold air.
A tryst of sorrow and sighs she holds
With love and names,
An eidolon of the Silent Lake
That answers need nor want.

Askance

2006-02-02T14:24:00.000+08:00

.....Letting my train of though run while I'm in the computer lab supposedly doing my malay project.....It's madness....

Cross

In this world the paradox exists,just precariously balanced as it was in ours.And its inhabitants just as foolish as we once were,believing it only to the extent where it is an explicable anomaly that can and should be ignored.As yet there are few who believe its existence,and those who do,I fear wish much more than I to forget.The path of life leads to a thousand individual crossroads,intertwined so heavily that the pattern is indistinct and yet as much at times perceptible.What then happens to those strands that we choose not to grasp?The insurmountable outcomes every individual choice could have made?The simple logic tells us that which never existed,could never be made undone.

running out of time...I'll finish this some other time

................

2006-01-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

The more then certain dislike of valentines day....An adaption of various pples thoughts or wants for valentine's...Of course dictated after much boredom and flipping through pple's blogs and stuff...Dont mind some of the references,random thoughts actually...

--

Like the sighs I give
All too easily to a windowledge
You're a lost cause so far.
A little of the moonlit mist
Lightly tainted on your lips
Gave me the best kiss I had
Since third grade by Thomas Brady.

And knowing you're worth
Every damned tear I have
And then some more,
Makes nothing easier than it is
Just like the knowing that
You're not nearly as intagible
As I'd have wanted you to be.

Polarity

2005-12-23T16:46:00.000+08:00

I've taken to daydreaming again...Or as some call it,sleeping...In between the waking and half-asleep and groggy little arse I come on the com to do stuff...Which is basicly nothing at all...Cleared through the hse today,was asked to clear everything I had...Meaning I'd have to look through the rubble of a cupboard and drawers...Somehow and very much amazing I found a primary one photo of myself...In perfect condition...Hmmm...Took to reminiscing again...And unlike the usual normal stuff where we say we're flooded with memories I just pick through them...The photo was the first time I smiled with actually meaning to do it...Somehow when I was young I was never asked to smile while taking photos...And if I was..I usually jus didnt...The first Primary photo I took...I kinda remember the photographer askin all of us to smile...And being me...I didnt...Till Chadwick pinched me that is...Hmm which reminds me...No one but me would probably remember all this...Also found letters...Very recent...And of course very old ones...And when all those were cleared...Found the only letter I never sent...Hmm enough of me and memories...No poem today I think...In process of writing Three Colored...Will be up...If I have the mood...

Christmas

2005-12-19T14:34:00.000+08:00

Written for maelstrom...A depiction on a pic...A sore depiction at that...But oh well...Here's the link for the pic...[ Maelstrom Christmas Pic]

Flakes fall dusting me grey
Ah dear the snow isnt ever as white
As we'd like to make it out to be
But the winter's first frost
Touches more than just the warmth
Of a home's heated hearth.

I spend the hours catching winter stars
On the tip of my tongue
It's so cold it burns me
Deeper than a forge's flame
And the morning glorys reach for sunlight
Where the stray beams fall
And my dear you fade before me
Just as fast.

I smile at christmas trees
Spangled so thoroughly
With the warm hopes of children
So eagerly expected gifts
Wrapped gently beneath it's pine.

Come now do I have no presents
I'm still no more than a little child
Barely of age my love
And if you'd care to give me one
Just a kiss would do.

I sleep just as lightly as the little ones do
Straining to catch the barest sounds
Just like for the footsteps of jolly santa
But it's yours I listen for.

I'm alone on the eve of christmas
Don't feel sympathy my dear
It's very much preferred
I'd rather be alone for tonight
Letting my heart rejoice
At how you make merry.

And on the next
I watch you laugh again
It aches but a soft one
Though more so for want
And I laugh for when I think I know
You'd have given dear old Aprhodite
A run for her money.

And when the christmas drapes are hung
All the glitter put away to await the next
My heart's still as fond of you
As it was the christmas before.

luciferian doctrine?

2005-12-19T12:22:00.000+08:00

Long walks clear my head sometimes...I didnt notice it'd been almost 2 hours...Spent the day writing...Reading...And writing...I feel sick...3 days without basketball and I feel ballistic...Maybe its because I use it as a replacement...Or just maybe its the one of the few things I have...I've gotten into the habit of leaving writes hanging...Bloody blood and ashes...

Glass Panels

Come night I walk the edge of starlight
Pale streaks of moonbeams shunting pavement floor
Where winds from wandering hearts cut through
The barest leaves of essential need and want.

A sigh crests the edge of every tear
The lover's blood thinned by bitterness
And all the while you cascade so silently
To dust me livid with a quiet smile.

Ah dear I'm wont to lie each time
But where my tongue betrays me my heart cannot
You throw my pleas over the moon
And what sweet resignation it is
To die my deaths behind your eyes.

Just by the way the stars gleam
I know your eyes shine brighter than they do
And if all the celestial bodies lent their glow
You'd never seem as beautiful as you do tonight.

But yours is not mine to keep
I'm a shadowed glance half given in denial
Where a midnight rose flowers
And alas I'm but a cornerstone at crossroads.

I cast my heartache to a North Wind
Giving sighs to the nascent zephyrs
I'm afraid that in between the silver lines
My dear you have me.[Continued]

precision

2005-12-18T05:27:00.000+08:00

I cant sleep again...The only difference today is that at this time in the morning...There's no one at home...So I can just turn the speakers up and let the playlists permeate...The little sleep I get drives me insane anyway...Sometimes I just dont feel like falling asleep...Now that just gets me started...On how I've started to hate crowds...Or even worse perhaps company at all...Besides that of my erratically functional mp3 I'd sometimes prefer to be alone...The rest of the time I spend shooting hoops...Hmmm I'm probably speakin out of pure lack of sleep...Who know's?

Glass

I'm a half-faded portrait,
A bitter thought in winter
And when I come to stirring
Its resentment that meets
All the wonders you create.

With a faint smile
You part skies with a few kisses
Twirling a few rose petals
Where the wind plays symphony.

lifeline

2005-12-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

Somehow i now have the ability to dribble and do almost anything with my left hand...Not proficient yet...But still an improvement...Still cant drive left...But it comes in handy when i drive beneath the basket...Enough of basketball...Hmmm I'm gettin plainer in speech?Should that be a good thing?That I dont coat my writing in complication?Hmm I dont know...Appeals to those who prefer a first read understanding basis...Sighh read in between the lines...Though even then few would understand...How long has it been?Really really long...I dont know what's the right thing to do...So I'm just gonna go ahead and do what I tink I should...Tell me how you feel...No matter how it hurts...Better than lying eh?Closure is better than lingering sentiments...
Not in the mood to finish this one...I'll leave it hanging for the moment...

Unfinished

Sighs trace my nights
So furtively hidden behind smiles
Like cape daisies in bitter summer
I wilt and wither so slow.

Sometimes I spend days
Drowning in your depths
Oceans of burning sapphire
Tinged with the hue of grey.

And on nights when the stars
Desert me for warmer pastures
I find my wants a necessity
And you linger longer still.

..

2005-12-15T13:31:00.000+08:00

I'm shifting too much...I want the break to end...Get back to the drudgery of life...Lose the time to think...And just act without having to think abt it at all...But wishing is all just wistful...Christmas is all gift-wrapped...Too much so...

...

The barest tones are sweet slander
But when they part your lips
I am wont to betray myself
And simply not care at all.

I'm a mess of pent up emotions
Infringed upon by strapped up daydreams.
I sigh,but for meaning I'm lost
Just as the way I always am
When I spend hours roaming
The bare wilderness in your eyes.

Screw logic,it never made sense anyway
Like the way I dont make sense at all
Holding on while knowing
Its pure hope
And wistful wishing I hang on to.

You wear a crown of hearts
For each Mr Romantic a rose of thorns
But I'm neither that nor cavalier
And how I wish I were him there
So softly wrapped in your arms embrace.

When I'm bitter and resentful
Like a winter night
That's when I love you most
Letting twilight take the warmth from me
Just wanting the cold to replace
Some part of you.

Epiphany

2005-12-12T17:30:00.000+08:00

I got the com to work again..After 5 days of cursing and swearing,kicking the CPU,switching power cables around,and some more cursing and swearing,the damn thing works again..No use tryin to blog about the past 4 days...Cant remember much of it somehow...Hmm yesterday all I did was ball with alex and ken...Messed up my bloody finger...Should be alrite in a few days...No training for the next week...I'm still bitter abt the paya lebar cup...Oh screw that...Both alex and me are pissed off abt it...Hmmm meet new pple everyday...Due to alex's certain liking of inviting almost always girls whenever we conference...The majority of his frens seem to be girls...No surprise...Lol...Playing around with different writing styles...Hmmm such long nights...

Tests

Staring at glinting skies
Watching dear moon sigh so soft
And maybe he just as I
Is all to careless in his smiles.

But what blame can he take
When you look at him so sweetly
And all the stars come to shine
Just for a nod or a curtsy.

What can I do but watch and sigh
And play my daydreams as best I can
Such a furtive heart I best deny
I ever had a chance to start with..

.023.

2005-12-04T01:08:00.000+08:00

Before I lose this somehow,in my com tat has a certain liking for deleting anything that isnt stored on a seperate data drive,I'll leave this here..

Untitled

Cornerstones of some kiss
In the middle of the night
We hit bed posts
Each time the lights goes out
I count on finding you
By the sparkle you'll always
Have in your eyes.

[Chorus]
There's a reason to every
Late night paper and pen
Unsung song
This one I'll hide
Just for a while
But telling you
Would take all the joy out
Of watching you make me sorrow.

And I by window ledges
Let the moon steal some of me
The parts you left behind
Whenever you decided
To let me have a glance or two.

[Chorus]

Dont say anything
I'll say it for you
And when you know
What's running through my head
You'll have to be
Somewhere in between oceans
Picking skies apart
With every sigh you forget
To keep for me.

.02.

2005-12-04T00:29:00.000+08:00

I should stop having the habit of watching flicks.Turning to HBO,starworld or cinemax is startin to be a bad thing.The Girl Next Door....Well of course unlike the movie,I'm not the quiet dreamy kid,the girl I'm in love with isnt a porn star[this is a major fact] and the very obvious point that my life isnt a movie script...Moral Fibre...Nice phrase...Though how totally useless it sometimes is...Training was cancelled today...Alex had the liberty to tell me only when we were at tanah merah mrt...We did hoops...At tamp and bedok...Then he came over to my hse...And somehow had it in him to try and do prank calls...My bad though...He got the number from my phone...Sighh...I need sleep...This is something written yesterday night...Shabby...Very shabby...

Untitled

Tying knots around night
You reign stars in
With a sigh and kiss
Capture their smile
Pinning them down
With a lover's pin.

While the moon teases
The ocean to sway
In utter compelsion
He does so your way.

There's a reason to every sigh
And mine are so meaningless
When you take them whole
Knotting them in giftwrap
Worn like a badge
On your white angel's sleeve.

........

2005-12-01T12:14:00.000+08:00

Jared came over...And here's a write that we put together...

Past Midnight

[Chorus]
Does it burn when it doesnt come
How blind am I that I cant see
That we're not on the same road
And you're just another one
I'll have to let go
But if bleeding counts for anything
Then I've earned one kiss atleast
So leave me here fallen and taken
While I stain myself with you again.

I'm tainted so deep by you
That even the slightest touch hurts more
Than anything you could never say
So sighing I'll come undone
Everytime you pass by me
Just take a moment to see
Whenever you have time if ever
That you're somewhere in between life and me.

[Chorus]

Shepperd me somewhere before i fall
I've already fallen once far enough
Dont tell me that its nothing
I'm some stubborn fool
But I've kept level headed enough
To keep loving you past midnight.

Is there ever a reason why I break down
When I never understand how I take you
So far into me that I cant remember
When and where I started loving you
I needed something so badly
That maybe you were the only thing
I thought of at that time
But now this is eternity
And you're the last wish of a dying heart.

418

2005-12-01T00:34:00.000+08:00

I need sleep...And that's what I'm gonna try and get...Though I'll still be online...Asleep by the com....

Untitled

I'm just another stubborn fool
Blessed and cursed at having crossed
Paths with someone heaven sent
And not having understood
That angel's and mortals dont mix
Somehow while I trace the lines
Of my barest needs
I find them stretched across
The velvet skies you paint
With each hidden star.

417 Nights

2005-11-30T01:54:00.000+08:00

417 nights...I took the liberty to count...Not that it would make much of a difference at that...Hmm...Here's what I never intended to write...But here it is nontheless...

417 nights

On some nights I expend all my sighs
And the moon sighs for me
Paling a shade lighter
Hoping that you'll see
Somewhere in between then and now
I fell for you somehow.

It's like I'm having an overdose of you
And if my nights werent spent searching
Your sapphire kissed skies
I'd probably be watching raindrops
Peel away so quietly at me.

I'm caught like butterfly wings
Whenever I lean too close,
And when it's just me and rainfall
My feet hugs the pavement so long
That I'm farther than you can take me
Even when you smile as sweetly as you do.

But longing comes to silent closure
As the gentle gleam in your eyes
Always seemed to force Autumn's hand
The leaves shedding so tenderly soft
To hug such jaded sorrows.

This needle is thread thin
But the heart bleeds just as well
And 417 never seemed such a bad number
Till I found what it it could do
To such a foolish heart...

At 3.30 in the morning

2005-11-29T03:36:00.000+08:00

At 3.30 in the morning...After 3 hours of training...I still cant sleep....Watching Re-Runs of water boy almost the whole night...Hmmm here's something...

Knowing Such Sweet Lies

I'm still a hopeless romantic
Painting canvases the way only a kiss can
Letting night breezes knot these strings
Knowing that you'll eventually make me come undone.

I love the way you tease the comets
Brushing the nights end with the such soft sighs
Cupping moonbeams so tenderly in your palm
That the moon cant help but blush.

And I'm sitting in the shade of a lesser blue
In the knowing of such sweet lies
As somedays I get so hopelessly lost
That my nights are spent marking trails
In your hazel tinted eyes.

Insomnia

2005-11-28T03:10:00.000+08:00

And yes as you can guess I'm not asleep...Hmmm writing helps,but when you've got a writer's block...Den wat much of a difference does it make?Sleep would help...But maybe a short piece wouldn hurt abit...

Bedsheets Tied Down

Sweet is the sound of your sighs
By the traces of candlelight
Catching moonbeams with the chalice
Behind such telling eyes
And like first dew
You're the first thing on my mind
Each time I set eyes on morning light

Such as dandelion wine
You carry sweet surrender
So softly in your palm
Wearing orisons in your hair
With the lithe leaves
Garbing you so tightly.

So I tie my bedsheets down
Slip myself in between them
Hoping that their cold embrace
Can replace you in some way,
On such sleepless nights.

Part 2

2005-11-28T01:57:00.000+08:00

Damn insomnia...Nways here's part 2...I cant get round to complete it...It reads realli bad..I'll make changes as soon as I can...For now this is part 1 of part 2...The ending is that way for a reason I THINK...I'm not too sure...Maybe it's sorta a trailing link?Hmmm I dont know.Hope it isnt too screwed up...Here goes...

Part 2

First contact..What does it do,to someone without the understanding of emotions,nor their purpose?And can all the wonders of the its touch,resolve such a bitter heart?

Moonlight filtered through the window slits,hitting the corner of his bedpost.

Insomnia...What a bitch...

He slipped a t-shirt on and grabbed his blazer,careful not to aggravate his already creaking cupboard.The locks on his window came off easy enough.He shuffled his feet,sliding down the untiled side of the roof.Dropping on his lawn he made himself scarce.Neighbours were a pain in the ass when they knew you were sneaking out at night.

He took the familiar path.It more or less led straight to the corner rock of the nearby beach.His warm breath pressed against the night air.He set himself down,shuffling the sand on the rock.He took deep breathes of the ocean air,just to remind himself that he was alive.He lay against the rock edge.Closing his eyes,thoughts swirled in his head,then sleep as it always did,took hold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A fingertip brushed his cheek,faintly stirring him from sleep.He brought his hands to his face,wanting to rub the sleep from them,but caught hold of a straying hand.Holding it,he brought himself around,his vision clearing.Sitting up he found her next to him.He hesitated,then let go of her hand,acting as if that was what he had planned to do in the first place.He tucked his hands inside his blazer.She kept her eyes on him.

"I'm..I'm sorry..You just looked so different when you were asleep.You didnt look so cold and distant anymore..And well..I guess I just wanted to see if you were for real.."

He looked at her,as if questioning what she meant.

"I know I sound really weird..But I guess you looked...Well...How do I put it.."

He laughed.

"Its alright.You dont have to explain.Not that it would make any difference."

Smiling she tucked her legs against herself,fighting the urge to shiver.A breeze cut past them,and this time,unable to fight the cold,she sighed heavily.He took his blazer off,wordlessly slipping it around her.Hugging it close she smiled.Her lips quivered for a second,as if about to say something,then thinking against it.

She reached over,searching for his hand by touch.She looked at him,his hands warm against hers,her eyes seeking approval.Just those three seconds,those three short
seconds,but for him it felt as if the night had come to a standstill.......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Instant

2005-11-24T18:53:00.000+08:00

....I tink of doing stupid things at nite,then realise,just how stupid it is...Paya Lebar Cup is coming...Hmmm...Life is pretty much basketball every day...Mon,wed,and sat is training..And tues thurs and sun is streetball...I really have nothing much to say..Well nothing much that anyone else wld wanna know..So here...Something for paul again...Yes it does include alcohol u malevolant son of a bitch...

I take night to stirring
Midnight air caressing
These sapphire streaks
That straggle down
Bare skin.

Stealing you
From my dreams,
Each night when
I feel sober enough
To hold the glass in my hands.

Setting myself on fire
With each shot I take
Beside these cuts
Vodka and ice
Never tasted so good.

And in some stupor
Of bitterness or delusion
I play out my realities
Where I dare you be a part of
Some other dream of mine.

So sipping on this
Half empty glass
I'm an instant asshole
Just add alcohol
And I'm through and through
Taking the night to stirring
With this wandering mind.

Midnight

2005-11-15T13:15:00.000+08:00

Here you go paul..Something that doesnt involve winter...

Midnight Solace

Silken skin
Stains bloody hands
As we dance this night
In the ebb and flow
Of such a forbidden fruit.

I wait for naught
For such sweet kisses
Are not palpable
Upon my lips,
And yet are placed
Which such quiet displacement.

And in my arms
We garb vespers
With our nascent sighs
Putting cupid
To such shame,
With the sensations
Of a roaming touch.

As our night comes
To a crescendo,
I wear the rosaries
Of falling orisons
And like the failing light
Of these last moonbeams
We're lost,
To the sweet misery
Of our midnight affair.

Summer's Last Kiss

2005-11-09T16:07:00.000+08:00

Story I wrote for the wyvern projects.Isnt due yet so i'll jus post it
here.

Summer's Last Kiss[Familiar aint it?]

Summer brings its idle fantasies and wants,and like dust devils we dance to them,fully indulging in the season's eye.Played to such dizzying heights,will we be able to see,that what comes in summer,goes just as fast as the season?

Come on.Just 2 minutes left.Let me get out of this hellhole.

He stared intently at the watch,as if trying by mental prowess to will it to go faster than its preascertained speed.He fidgeted in his seat,the damp air moist against his skin.Finally,as if sensing his unease,the bell rang.

"Now class as I know very well its is your term break.HOWEVER,revision is still a fundamental part in your daily life.I advise you to spread your time between play and work.That is all,enjoy your summer."

No one actually listened to Mrs.Lincoln's speech,most were half-way down the hallway by the time she'd finished.He slip his bag over his shoulder,taking time to pause and wonder what summer would bring.Shaking his head he made his way to the frontgate.

A tumult of fellow students greeted him upon exiting the room.Throngs of teens that the adults called 'adolescents finding their way'.Personally,he prefered to call them 'plain old stickheads'.He triedto not take notice of everyone's occasional glances,they were always expected.

He passed by one of the jocks lockers.They were in a group of about 6,and usually knew better than to forray into their round of taunts and more than mild-mannered jokes,but today someone had it in them to be a real jackass.

"Hey Connor!Where'd you lose your voice?Oh oh my bad that man musta jacked your ass good didn he?"

It must have been Jason.He was always trying to be a smartass.He was pratically bawled over on the floor laughing.The rest were in a similar state,though maybe just a tad refraining,well they should have refrained more.

He didnt even get a chance to see it coming.Connor lifted him single handed,flinging him against the rest of them.He stepped in to take a blow,but a hand grabbed his forearm.

"Connor stop!What are you doing?!God they were just joking!"

Six feet of toned muscle quivered,just at that single touch.

Damn it..

Melissa looked at him pleadingly.He hated that look,the look that displayed a human's emotional capacity.He loosened her grip,just turning his back and walking away.He could hear her pulling Jason to his feet.Jason stood up,aided by another friend,yet still unbalanced.He cursed out loud.

"Stupid son of a bitch.One day I'll screw him up bad."

Connor thought of going back there for a second round,then against all odds,decided against it.Delving into his own thoughts he simply put the occurence out of his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wind streaked his hair,ebbing and flowing,just as easily as he did.The sun dipped itself into the horizon,its last beams catching his fingertips.He stared at them for just a moment,wondering if there was any purpose for them at all.

Waves ate at the shore,jagged sheets of tidal surfs surging towards breakwaters.He sat on one of the lone rocks,amusing himself with the scribbles that dotted its surface.

They did call it lover's rock for a reason I guess.

He spotted a more than familiar line running across a crevice.

If love is life,then you are mine.And if you are all I have,then you are indeed,all I need.

He laughed,maybe at its simplicity,or maybe at just its pure ignorance.

"Isnt it true sometimes?That our loved ones are all we need to make due in this world?"

Surprised he looked to search for the source of that voice.He didnt have to look far.She was seated just next to him,arriving maybe while he was lost in his own self-accessment.She looked to be just about the same age as he was.She carried the air of humility,she did turn however to meet his stare,with a meek smile,acknowledging the fact that she had seated unwelcomed.

"You seemed so caught up in your thoughts.Its the first day of summer.No one should spend their first day alone."

She stuttered,then slowly smiled.

"So I guess I decided to sit by and accompany you."

She stretched out her hand,still smiling.

"The name's Lorel."

His mind couldnt come up anything else to do so he took her hand.

"Mine's Connor."

He blushed,if for the first time in his life,then it was more than apparent,because the look that spread across her face,more than told what she thought about it.

Trying to hide his obvious uncertainty he turned to look into the last dying embers of a setting sun.

"So do you do this much?Sit by the beach alone and watch the sunset?"

He shrugged.

"I guess you could say that."

She nudged his shoulder.Looking at his expression she laughed.

"Well from now on you wont ever be alone when you come here.I'll be here too!"

She pointed to a somewhat distant beach house.

"See there?That's where I live.If I ever see you here alone,by this rock,I'll come keep you company alrite?"

She seemed to be expecting a response from him.

"If that's what you want I guess."

She laughed.

"I'd be delighted to."

She stood up,brushing the sand off her jeans,then with a smile left for her house.

He watched her thread the beach towards her home,compounding all the possibilities of what had just happened.

Like logic ever had anything to do with me...

The breeze carried his soft resigned sigh.

END OF PART 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

..........

2005-11-05T19:58:00.000+08:00

Holidays.Classes different.Thank god for that atleast.Purgatory?Just mayb.Got into Home United Bball.Court's the highlight.Tourney's up soon.Mayb I'll have somethin more to say by then.For now I'll just shoot hoops and sit at the halfway line,aft the lights are off,lookin at something that resembles,a starlit sky.Then morning runs,all the way to familiar sights,balcony views?I'm making no sense..Just for the fun of making no sense at all..Roses smell sweetest in the morning dont they?

Roses In The Morning

Come noon
Its half-baked lies
And stain-eyed cries
Red lined
Paper thin cuts
That bleed blue.

Just stop long enough
For scents to pick
Trails to ride
And you'll see
The Roses
Never smell sweeter
Than they do
In the morning.

Intelligence

2005-10-12T19:58:00.000+08:00

Grey Sails[Grey shades of your blue]

I'll sail
Tidal moon surfs
Like lost men at sea
And when I'm bitter,
Drunk on ale and spice
I'll set anchor
And watch the grey sails
Paint me in your blue.

Getting lost
In quiet fantasies
Built on realism
Of the barest tones
I always found a way
Of not letting you go.

So here I am
Sipping on bitterness
Ale's run out
And all I have
Are my old
Patchy grey sails
Eating me apart
With the faintest memories
Of a smiling you.

Clinical

2005-10-10T16:59:00.000+08:00

I'm just fine.It's alrite to be me isnt it?Then wat u see is wat u get.

Ambience

The dizzying heights
Fantasies construsted
In chimerical proportions.
The words,
I'll take to my grave
You keep the rest
Bitter resentment and fear
The tidal moon surfs that I ride
Going down into my sculpted body.
I'm putting words in random positions
Hoping it just might stir
Somewhere deep inside
A lover tryst
Lying on the edge
Of my own clinical paranoia.

1109

2005-10-06T20:20:00.000+08:00

I'm not reali in the mood for postin..But it kinda helps sometimes..And so this is getting over my head..Counsellors can be such a pain in the ass..That's why they call them shrinks..They diminish your capacity of perception..Stop tryin be who I am not?Hmmm I guess he got that rite atleast..Then I'll just follow his advice..And just be me..Back like 3 years ago..Mayb it'll actually help..I dont know..But that's realli who I am..Mayb bein like tat was always who i was..A great piece by a close friend..

This is me

The shouting and the tumult dies,
the captains and the kings depart.
Gone all the falsity and lies
that can sustain an actors art.

Stripped of false authority
a king no longer, just a man
He is not what he seemed to be.
An actor does the best he can.

To act quite ordinarily
between his roles but it is hard
He doesnt know who he is meant to be.
Without applause there is no reward.

He plays the villain or the saint
without a flaw upon the stage
But to himself he is a faint
dim outline on the page.

He has no personality
which he can claim to call his own
He is who he is cast to be
a role into which he is grown.

Though we all show a public face,
adopt a suitable disguise
Somewhere inside, some secret place
we strip ourselves of all the lies.

We know exactly who we are.
Although we may not understand
our act will only serve so far
before we unmask on demand.

Love lets us see what is below.
The mask thats worn, we hide behind
When we trust, then we will show
the secret thoughts that rule our mind

Starline

2005-10-03T18:23:00.000+08:00

Heh u know?That sometimes I really just wish that somehow I could say somethin to u..But everytime I try to even reach out,I feel so bloody weak,no I dont get weak knees,all the things they say you do,I just feel so out of place..I'm not even sure if you want me do say or do anythin..I'm just trying my hardest not to back off at the last moment,like i always do.Maybe tommorow,maybe a week,maybe even a year,but somehow I've gotta try..I know I'll always have doubts,but rather than just leavin it to play out like this,I'd rather take a chance..Even if it is my last..Here I go I guess...

Love Complex-edited[song version]-[In the works]

I'm seeing red in a moonlight night
velvet skies paint everything else
In the shades of blue
And I push you to the back of my mind
With a shove and scream I escape denial

I'm feeling all the things I'd never wanted to
With that bitter taste
and sweet covering
I'm blaming me for blaming you
Its a canvas whiter than half lit skies
I'll scream and escape denial
Just sigh and walk this night

[Chorus]
I slip like needle and thread
I'm breaking half fought promises
Close these eyes so I can fight
All the temptations of looking
You in the eye and saying
The things I know you dont wanna hear.

I brush the edge of a thousand orisons,
I feel the faintest trace of you
Cords thin enough that it lines
The rusted beams
Of a courtroom love triagle.

.....

2005-09-16T12:59:00.000+08:00

Dont it always seem to go..That u dont know what you got till its gone?Pretty true I'm guessin.Here something I didnt even want to write..But it just didnt feel right not putting it on paper..

Love Complex

Is there anything
You want to hear?
I'll lie and say it through
The last strands of human capacity.
The vespers are whispering
all the words I've sung
To evensong,at the break of day.

Come on,
You always had a way
Of making me hold on.
Do something now
If you even could
To stop this last fall
From happening..

Its my love complex
Caught in a death note
With the slightest taint
Of that familiar kiss.

AneGl

2005-08-08T19:43:00.000+08:00

Not been blogging for some time..Kinda messed up..So much happens in an instant..I didnt know why I did..But I did..Its over and done with..I wish i could take back my words..But heh who ever said not to be careful for wat u wish for..Take it or leave,and somehow or rather,that's wat makes up eternity...I'm not postin up the poems written for e guys but heh its kinda personal for them I guess...Hmm well then...Just once more nathaniel....Oh yes its also for u roxane..Didnt do much credit to u on the first one...So here i am makin it up..Hopefully u like it..

My Queen

Quiet,bitter,silence,
A symphony played cadence
Brought to a susurrus end,
Where reticent whispers
Dare brave the deluge
Of a shaded lip.

No matter the fixture
Of my confident lies
Told to questioning ears,
Could I ever hold your gaze
With the only thing
That betrayed
My limestone limned face.

I gave tommorow to yesterday
Oh such sweet denial
As a nascent sigh takes flight
Christened by a wandering heart's flame,
You take me with such tired arms
Lay me to rest
With one last,quiet tear.

Autumn

2005-07-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

This one is for Siti...Although I really have no idea why I'm writing for so many gals..Arghh..I promsise the next one will be for guys..

Autumn kiss

She paints me blue,
In the falling hues,
Of an autumn kiss,
Taking the bitter,
As she drizzles me,
In a honey coat.

We take flight,
Every sunset,
To worlds we create,
Eidolons so material,
I would succumb to sunrise,
Every breaking day.

Vespers sigh for want,
Her smile upon morning rays,
Tainted maple sweet,
Upon her lips,
As she clothes me,
With summer's last kiss.

Hush

2005-07-16T14:27:00.000+08:00

Arghh I dont know wat's happening..Everything is coming apart again...But somehow I'm not sure its for the worst..I'm inside it yet I'm not part of it...The next one's goin out to Karen..She needs a shoulder to lean on more than I do perhaps..Hang on tight...

A Dream Lost To A Winter Wind

Winter moons,
Breathe silent epitaphs,
Taking gloaming whispers,
Upon a cerulean sigh.

Tainted eyes,
Cry brindled tears,
The shades of blue,
Pale even to grey.

She comes on a vesper,
Garbed in the orisons,
Of a plaintive heart,
Parting curtainfalls,
With a tear.

Zephyred minds,
Upon wext winds,
Take to flight,
On the nascent wings,
Of a dream.

Rush

2005-07-14T18:54:00.000+08:00

Life is getting more hectic.The time I spent on the com is usuali used for reviewin or rewriting stuff.Plus I have training..Blah...Blah..Blah..Umm well not much time on my hands so I'll just post a poem.Since u said it Gloria the next one's for u..Here we go..

Untitled

A lover's tryst,
Ephemeral kisses,
Coated with the slightest,
Of passion's blush.

A deep submission,
To russet sunsets,
Nacre of your wishes,
Christened by tears.

Hazel eyes,
Bring a heart to flame,
And yet with a delicate sigh,
Pales a cyan sky.

Amber tainted whispers,
Take to wind,
As cirrus streaks,
Scar a still heart.

Rain comes with silence,
Vespers sung,
By her tune so tender,
And evening's eye,
Enraptured to such heights,
Comes on zephyred stars.

Let autumn catch,
The falling leaves,
While I wrap her,
In the shades of maple.

Hmmmm

2005-07-06T20:22:00.000+08:00

Every seems sooo down.Is it me or just...Nvm..I shall go on a journey of writing a poem for each and every one of the people that mean alot to me...Now the problem is...Who to start wit?If I start wit a particular someone everyone else will be wonderin why..Oh hecks I'll start with the person that got me into writing seriously in the first place...So Roxane I'm begginin wit u first!Arghhh.Ahas ok here it is...

Starfish Kisses[Remember?]

Petal beams by silent streams,
A dip into,the rivers mind,
Lifted by autumn winds,
Into memories left behind.

Remember paper hearts,
Left on quiet beaches,
Just the wind sand and surf,
Remember written things,
On lone rocks,
That said enough with one word?

In paper cups,
By quiet moments,
With starfish kisses,
It ended with you.

Queen Of Mine

2005-07-02T17:32:00.000+08:00

Its been pretty long since I posted.Seeing as how nowadays most people dont read my post I'll post more personal stuff.Alot has changed.Even if you love someone more than anything else you have to move on.And well that's what I'm doing.Just being there is as good as it gets.So I have to get on with it.Things are getting better it seems.Everything's going ok.Enough good things to balance the bad.Just pray that life is gonna have a 180 degree on me again.That's all pple.Take care and god bless.Here's a piece dedicated to the girl that got me on my feet again.

Queen Of Mine

Morning rays rouse,
Silver lined plangent sighs,
A symphony of dulcet whispers,
Constucted on the bonds of trust.

I am her raiment silhoutte,
A summer wind adorning her hair,
With wisps of air and past winter hopes,
As a silent orison.

Fallen leaves stray past,
In a procession of phantom gyres,
An elegy of cirrus clouds,
Play to a cadence of somnolence.

Silken tears fall from grace,
Once coalesced within her being,
Now liquid pleas birthed,
Coruscating in the sun's gold hued figertip.

She dispels my jaded torpor,
From the depths where I drowned my pain,
A gaze that a thousand diamonds,
Would never shine as bright.

I am lost in her eyes,
Kept amid her smile,
She completes my last desire,
This tender queen of mine.

I am want

2005-06-13T15:29:00.000+08:00

Nothing to blog about so here.Just to amuse myself .Kudos to paul for a great write again.

I Am want

There are times she looks at me
and I want to pull down all the stars and hide,
hoping then that I could shine
the way she does within my eyes.
Then there are kisses in which her lips fall soft
and I would drizzle mine in chocolate sweet
hoping they would taste of wonder
the way hers always do for me.

I am want and she is need.
I simply explode and she completes.
And if a love is stirring somewhere in this,
I might be the one not prepared for it.

There are times her hand takes mine
and I want to lasso the sun
and bring to her such fire
for as we play I chase
a symphony of sighs
so beautiful constructed on trust,
if not dead,
Beethoven would retire.

I am want and she is need.
I simply explode, she forever completes.
And if one of us is lucky its so easy to see,
She is the gift, I but humbly receive.

Helpless God

2005-06-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

Well..Stuff happens..People change..And things get outta hand..Oh heck no one actually knows what I mean when I say this dont they..Leave you with a piece..Kudos to Paul..

Such a helpless god

In this soft temple of her hands
I am a helpless God
awaiting the worship of her kiss.
Her beauty is immeasurable,
spills like scripture so divine.
My prophetic bliss.

Oh to only be worthy
of the wonder in her eyes
as they fall upon me.
She is the apple
and I am but a vagrant in Eden
wearing sighs for prayers
as she sheds them tenderly.

And when it rains
both forty days and forty nights,
I find her waiting, olive branch in hand
for her helpless suitor,
raising happiness as Lazarus
with but a smile…

No, I was never lost
in the wilderness of her heart,
she only let me hide there
feeding on that same wonder in her eyes.

Oh, I am such a helpless God,
saved time and time again
by the sweet Goddess in my life.

Bam!And there was the teletubbies..

2005-05-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

Word of the day:BORRRRRINNNNN..Came back from trainin and slept the half of the day away..Did eng homework[Yes I did HOMEWORK] den went out for bball..Ohh for pete's sake today was like stuffing myself in a washing machine..I'm wiped clean with noting to talk about..So here..Sometin tat wasnt supposed to be even put up..But I have notin else to put up so oh well..

Simpler Ways To Say[Literally]

Woke up at 3 this morning,
Couldnt sleep again,
Wished I could just call you,
Talk like everything's alrite,
But nothing's that easy,
No matter how much I hope it'd be,
If you got the chance,
I know you'd ask why,
Why you,why now,
why I got myself in this,
Heh you got me there,
I dont know even know myself,
All I know that its you,
You gave me a reason,
To pick myself up in the mornin,
Wipe off all the things,
That I had to take the day before,
And I was never really afraid,
That I'd lose it,
Cuz you were always there,
You never needed to say anything,
Even if you didnt look me in the eye,
All you really needed to do,
Was be just the way you were,
Not knowing was the best and worst thing.
I never knew how it would turn out,
Held me a little down,
Yet gave me that bit of lift,
So if today I just forget,
To let you know how much I care,
Even if I dont show it,
I'm always waiting,
Right over here,
I'm dreamin again arent I,
Must be cuz of too little sleep,
But that isnt why,
I fell in love with an angel's smile..

To Nathaniel

Prometheus

2005-05-26T19:40:00.000+08:00

Man it's sooooooooooooo funny..Sometimes when you tink you screw up so badly it's actually tat u did really good...Oh yes and the match against Milan and Liverpool..It was one of e best I've ever seen..3 goals in 6 mins...Tat is more than I can tink of..Nways been a little of on e rough side these days..Trainin hours gettin the better of me..But still I'll make sure I'll make time to blog..Or you all out there will get bored as hell..Haha I doubt you will..Lol..Arghh just got my immigration papers..It's a pain fillin it up..On one hand i don wanna go but heh its for e best isnt it?Well I hope so..Leaving the place you've lived and played in for 11 years is kinda of a hard thing to do..Plus all e emotional attachments u get..Lol..Haha guess i should stop rite here..This piece was written originally for Nathaniel but I made changes here and there..Hmm so here goes..Hope you all like it..God bless and take care..

Nature's Tollgate

The offspring of tender roots,
Corrugate into segments of life,
Where the arc of pathways cross,
And oh so low does the bow of hope bend,
Stamping its presence in the fork of crossroads,
Its standing in proceedings,
Inert as a thousand years it were before,
A tollgate erected by nature and time,
Proxy to the divinity found beyond,
Its silent bridge of peace now forlorn.

...

2005-05-23T12:27:00.000+08:00

Well havent been postin fo quite a long time..Life's changed alot I guess...Exams and stuff..Life's like tat..Hmm so well these few weeks have been alrite I guess..Not many things worth talking about..Life's kinda going someplace..But I don know where..Sometimes I dont know if I do or say e rite stuff but I do the best I can..And hmm kinda on the other end of e river these days..Sometimes just manage to pull myself across..But usually i'm just lost there..I dont think you all get what I mean..Lol..I leave with a piece written just yesterday...Couldnt sleep last nite so this is the result..Dont mind the shabby metaphors..That's wat happens when u rite at 3 in e mornin..Sigh..Nways god bless and take care...

Love as Hate

I am reposed in eventide,
To darkened genesis in dawn,
Like the petal that lets bittered-dew,
Linger on its skin,
To sting its flesh of silken sin,
I am unaccompanied,alone yet befriended
I am alive,dead and yet immaterial.
I am corporeal,etherial yet unearthly,
It is my ability,my gift and talent,
To bypass Heaven and Hell,
Am I blessed or am I cursed?
To be nigh immortal yet tangibly killable,
I am sin's catalyst,I am divine yet unholy,
I induce passion,lust and desire,
I conceive atrocities,death and life,
I am doubt and I am truth,
I am surrogate yet I am sovereign
For I am love,
And I am what I am.

Ideas

2005-05-05T19:27:00.000+08:00

Yah..I had to didnt I?Just had to go and try incorparating my verse into english essay..And the title was?The Hope...Hopelessness..Hope miss Faten atleast passes it...Then after school stuff happened...And more stuff...Resulting in Siti almost dying from fright...And trying to squeeze all the blood of my hand in the process...So I'll just keep the other parts to myself..Wrote a half song today...But a little sketchy...Anyway I'll just put it up...Hope it's alrite...Hmm but befo that here's a little of what i wrote in part of my essay...Read it and you'll know why I think I went too far..[I cry the first tears of dawn,to stain the morning's cheek,the silent dew my sole companion,and eventide took my sole desire....God bless and take care people...

First Tears[Unfinished]

I cried the first tears of dawn,
And the morning wept with me,
Hushed whispers,
Spread in the hallway,
And I know I have to lie..

[Chorus]
How could I say I never loved you,
When days were spent wishing you were mine?
How could I make them believe,
That you werent the only one I needed?
So if you hear me whisper this lie,
Please dont think I let go,
I'm just in this sorrowed state of denial...

Eventide

2005-05-03T20:17:00.000+08:00

Sigh..Isnt easy saying goodbye to everything I've been around with for most of my life...Well what I remember of my life atleast..But isnt change sometimes for the better?Hope so..Hmm anyway here's one...With regards..Take care people..God Bless..

Untitled[Please Help Decide A Suitable Title]

The sun sits placid,
In his hall of dawn,
And twilight sleeps,
In untimely fashion.
And thus it plays,
Divine interception,
Upon mortal men.
Their fingers stray,
To linger upon skin,
Strands of silken hair,
Slip through the crevices,
And a silent hush,
Tingles throughout,
Whispers sigh,
As the divine find perfection,
Nathaniel,
Should love be called by thy name?
The sun rises only on account of you,
And the moon foregoes,
His many faces,
To sing you his songs,
Of sweet tender love,
But the world desires twilight,
Thus is my fate,
Eventide has befriended me,
And I sorrowful forsake my life...

Again Nathaniel

2005-04-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

Hmm uneventful day..Yah it really was..Just had time to write one for Nathaniel..Should stop this habit of having a person in mind when writing..Take care and god bless people...

For Nathaniel Again[Getting into the habit of writing just fo nathaniel]

Love...
I call thee by love's name
Who else but thee may wear
The crown of stars
Let alone the petals of a rose
Grace thy steps
Every meeting
Is sweet interception
With every gaze
Words flutter
Then do silence
At the knowing of their misgivings
Let these times billow
Like the fog in winter snow
To hang unmoving
Regardless of man or earth
And sometimes my love wanders
So far that I forget its presence
But knowingly I let it be
For it is where I wish I were most
So near that a whisper would touch thy skin
Yet upheld by a barrier
Sanctioned by my order
To restrain these emotions
Enough that thy may perhaps be absent of mind,
And forget my existence
So I may watch you
With enough satisfaction
To know thy art loved..

Nathaniel

2005-04-28T19:35:00.000+08:00

Hmm so much stuff has happened that I don think I wanna list it all..I'm sorry if I made some stupid mistakes..Guess I always do..Hmm oh well..So take care you guys and god bless..Here's a poem..As from the title it's dedicated to Nathaniel...

Soft Moonlight[To *Nathaniel*]

Sweet interception,
Of the moon's tender hands,
To caress your cheeks,
Of tender beauty,
The light of the moon,
Dimmed in your presence,
In reverence,
In love.
If you wished,
The petals of a rose,
Would bloom at midnight,
And dawn would rise,
At your awakening,
To bless your step,
Of grace and perfection.
But tonight the moon,
Has your gaze and love,
As soft moonlight,
Pours from the heaven above.

43...Damn I'm bored...

2005-04-19T19:48:00.000+08:00

Sighh...When it comes to stuff like this I aint the best at it...*Nudges*...Ok well today not much stuff happened...Well stuff that cant be said should be left unsaid..
Hmm well I guess I've enough things to pile up to my chest without adding another big load of stuff..So I'm sorry if I'm really over the top sometimes but well I'm that way sometimes eh...Hmm well I just hope stuff...Works out...And maybe in ten years I'll look back and laugh at it...Just maybe...

Untitled

Shadows tease the midnight rays,
Peeping in as if to reveal,
All hopes and dreams,
Of a bitter soul,
One already in rapture,
A proxy to a goddess,
He is her advocate,
She the shrine,
And he submissive,
To her whip and lash,
Till he so enthralled,
In her whimsical ways,
Forget that even,
Divine beings falter...

42...Reverse Psychology...

2005-04-18T18:58:00.000+08:00

Ok some people have no fuckin brains to fuckin think for...You wanna know about my parents...Oh yes I have the fucking balls to say who this is adressed to...Suck my balls Nicholas[sec 3]...Here you fuck head:One's off overseas doing god fuckin knows what and another is here looking after my little bros,who by the fucking way are 5 n 7.Ever got fucking locked up in ur own house before?Ever made to fucking stay at home for fucking 3 days without doing shit fuck?[School fucking week]Shouted at for doing shit fuck[god fucking knows what I did]?So before you come and fucking critise me go look in the fucking mirror[God fuckin help you it doesnt crack at your fucking sure disfigurement].Oh maybe ur fuckin life has its fucking problems but heh I wasnt fucking saying I've got a fucking perfect life.I've probably got the most screwed up one and I aint fucking proud about it.So just fuck off.The only fucking reason u think ur fuckin great is cuz u got people to fuckin back u rite?Do I fucking give a shit?You read my mind...Yah can I hear the answer?NO YOU STUPID FUCKHEAD....See now would it have been so much easier if you had just shut the fuck up?Ahh and just for pointers:Dont insult someone who holds u in respectful regard...You just fucking blew that cover...Once again this is dedicated to Nick..Just in case some other goofballs come along and think it's dedicated to him or her...

41...Heaven skies...

2005-04-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

Bernard is now obsessed with getting a six pack..Since Kean is too,I might as well help em and get back mine at the same time...Hmm well I can say that today was very...Revealing..Lotsa new info...But..It doesnt change that much...What was said in the room stays in the room[Its actually relieveing for me]...Ohh well...No time to write so..here..god bless and take care...

So Beautiful

Your voice lifts me
into realms, beyond.
realms I need to inhabit,
far from my cares,
haunting my dreams,
with beauty.

It is enchanting,
you touch my being,
allow the fever to pass,
cure my ills.
sprinkle the dust of belief
liberally in my wounds.

Such a gift is rare,
put here for our pleasure,
our need.
you teach me to feel,
imparting grace in your melody

I wear my heart
on my sleeve,
it's a fault within me.
but when I hear
your angelic tones,
my friend,
you have me.

41 decisions

2005-04-13T21:39:00.000+08:00

Sighh...Decided to get a new skin..Finally a skin worth putting poetry on..Now I have to get the music right..Sigh..Today I had a very big surprise..Wasnt unexpected but nonetheless..Hmm I wrote this poem especially for the blog so here..Oh yah its on my profile the side thingy...God bless and take care!

Illusionist's Dream

Silence of the dawn,
Whispers me its secrets,
To tease and share,
What inspires passion,
Desire,Lust,
Only to,In languid motion,
Sweep away the facades,
To leave me picturing,
A crumbling wall,
Of love and infatuation,
And you fit in,
Like a key into the lock,
Bound in chains of secrecy,
The single ampliment,
Able of disposing these bonds,
Tis is your heart,
Distant,
Unreachable.

40 seconds...

2005-04-08T21:53:00.000+08:00

Here I am.Back again to the com screen.After configuring and adding new hardware.And me being the stupid person I am I forgot to save all my stuff in a seperate disk.Sighh.Ohh well.So the past week I guess has been alrite.I'm facing up to facts and decisions I should have done so long ago.Well better late than never.I guess if I never try and say I'm already scared I'll be a bigger wimp than I already am.Well it seems.It actually isnt too bad.But I dont know much.I'm always the blur goon.Sighh oh well.Give it my best and see how it turns out.Life is about taking risks,even impossible ones.Ummm As Always [Untittled]

I would proxy my love,
On the mountain of lies,
Let discern the multitude,
Of my emotion,
Should they find themselves paralleled,
With my heart,
Not to say,
That I love with fervor,
Nor to imply that,
My love faces no trials,
And perhaps these adversities,
Are of my own conception,
And the abortion of reality,
From the womb that is my mind,
For I am disillusioned,
Perhaps I forgot how to stop loving,
That I was the fool who caused,
The conjoinment of pain,
The sinless to the sinned,
The deaf to the dumb,
Love isnt a language of words,
No matter how I try to cloak it in metaphor,
Or muse and even overrun it with my verse,
Wouldnt it be much easier,
Just to say I love you?

39th..

2005-03-31T19:37:00.000+08:00

[[To]]..

From whence love spawned,
I lay a note,

You who are my poison,
The elixir that takes,And returns tenfold,
That I drown,Beneath your depths,
No handholds,And I weighed down,
By love perhaps,Amour if you wish,
Have sinked into the ocean that is you,
So far that reality is a blur,
A shadow that has forsaken light,
And my heart has bled,
What my tongue has refused to speak,
Not nearly enough,To assude,
But I in my infinite arrogance,
Believed I was worthy of your love

38 words and i was stuck

2005-03-28T21:28:00.000+08:00

Today was very busy.Actually quite slow.Didnt do muc.Aft school went to bball court with Johnathan.Then came back to school to eat.Was broke so had to eat in sch.Hmm I guess anythin other than that would be too indepth..Hmm so god bless and take care..

Untitled

The words cling to my throat,
Refusing to budge,
It always gets stuck,
Whenever it comes to you,
It's scary,I'm serious it is,
Or maybe just because I'm me,
And I've never been good at love,
All the hi's and goodbye's form,
Then forget to be said,
And I'm lying on my bed,
Kicking at my head,
I think Jason would be proud,
At my ryhming,
But then my mind forgets,
All the words and timing,
Maybe a pause too long,
Perhaps a word too quick,
Because I cant get,Half of my phrases to stick,
They come out in half whispers,
Full audible shouts,
I guess that's how I am,
Whenever it comes to you.

37 minutes and I'm scared

2005-03-27T15:46:00.000+08:00

Sigh..Today was one of the boringest day I've ever had...It rained.So I played in e rain wid me frends for a while then came back and started writing..The joy of new discoveries..And the pain of having to not be a wimp anymore..Ahh siti u win ok!I will get my revenge soon!Ok fine maybe I wont but I'll sure as hell try.lolx..Sighh..Somethings are better left a mystery...That goes for why I write poetry...So please stop asking will you Gordon?Anyway god bless and take care guys[and gals]...Byeeee...

Nathaniel's Rose

Silk coated petals,Touched with rays of sun,
Caress the dew to the honey tipped precipice,
Teasing,Beckoning it from seclusion,
Bearing an innocent smile,
Rosy cheeks of golden gossamer,
As if calling it to its bosoms hearth,
Where the flame of everlasting warmth burns,
No cold frost of night to ever dampen,
The ethereal amour like morning sun,
Then the dew in languid motion,
As if hesitant to show affection,
All too knowing of simulated love,
Takes a single step,
And Time pauses just for that moment,
Only to sigh and resume,
And the dew slips off,
The rose laughing at its recalcitrant ways.

Nathaniel,Nathaniel,
I pray thee safe,far from my touch and distant from my voice.
I pray thou find a rose unlike mine.
Nathaniel,Nathaniel,forgive me if I ever made thee think otherwise,
Nathaniel my only love has ever been time.

36.

2005-03-26T12:50:00.000+08:00

Sooo...Hmm..These past week and a half was good I guess.Actually it was fun I guess.So let me recap.Here I go..Its gonna be very boring so if u need excitement this isnt the place to look for it...Anyway here I go[again]..

Last Saturday:It was the big gooner's birthday,aka it was roxy's sweet 14 b'day.Hmm I actually didnt do much that day.Just wished her happy'b'day a few times and went out to the b'ball court.Pulled the ring a few times and I eventually as always ended up having to sit out a few matches because they didnt want me breaking the ring[again].But they saw my point of view of how fun it is to pull it so they let me back in.Lolx.Kinda dumb I know but oh well thats me for u.I alley ooped into the board and grabbed the ringy once again.Ok fine it wasnt perfect and I got a cut but heh I just realised I could hang air that long.Ok enough with the basketball.Went home had a shower andddddddd went to sleep.
Last Sunday:The boringest day of the week.I basically was writing the whole day.So thats bout it.
Last Monday:Sch opens again.Hmm I think we went to kent ridge that day.Well didnt do much except for goof off with Sharifah and my group.And as always I fell over while trying to be a skateboarder on the dumb railing.
Last Tuesday:One of the most quietest day I've had.Was deciding what to do.So didnt actually talk much.Thanks to all those who asked whether I was alright.And I'm sorry if I was a little short in my replies.But thanks to Mr Tan I felt better.Thanks loads cher!Helped me quiet a bit.Then after sch played soccer with the e3 guys.Then me,Janan,Jeremy,Kun yuan and Benjamin AKA The Bloody Awp WAITER,played CS.Benjamin is a waiter.It is a fact.Janan u know wat I mean.
Last Wednesday:Math Trail!Ahh the horror.It was actually alrite I guess.I moved from a1 to a10.I concocted the idea of the a11 group but as always no one listened....I guess it was a stupid idea but ohh well.
Last Thursday:Botanical Gardens with all the malay students.And Siti as always was laughing like the whole world was a joke.Due to Naim being so close it was an inevitable happening.So nofin much during the trip.So went back to sch,then got dismissed.Charmaine,Emily,Najiy,Dominic,Terence,William,Naim,Alan and me went to mac.The guys played Magic while emily and charmaine ate as always.I'm amazed at how someone so small *cough cough charmaine* can fit so much food into her mouth.Lolx no offence.Then we went back to sch.And sat down and talked for e while.AHHH yes the Najiy and *HER* issue.Najiy is one hell of a lucky guy.For more details please contact the class.I dont wanna tell everyone about it.20 sms on the first day?His phone was constantly beeping cuz she was smsing and he finally gave up trying to play magic while hopefully waiting for her next reply.So took some photos wid najiy and omars handphones then najiy and omar went hope and the girls went for CCA.I went to play Bball and after that was walking to the bus stop to get a bus to the MRT station when me saw Koong Jye inside doing Hw.Was gonna walk back to talk to him inside and ended up seeing sharifah.In the end she made me send her home in the bus.Sent her to e bus stop nearest I mean.Cuz I was late and had sometin important back at home.So that ends my thursday.
Yesterday:Ahh I slept the whole day and woke up at 6.30pm.Bathed and went out to the bball court.Cc was closed cuz of the public holiday so i played at e other court.Kinda lazy to say everything that happened cuz loads of stuff happened.Ok I know I don make sense but it was a very long night.

This has got to be my longest post yet.As always god bless and take care ok?

Playful Time[For Jeff]

The hearth of my heart,
Has grown cold,
No warm fire burns,
To warm the body,
Give life and hope,
To restless souls,
Empty,My voice bounces off the walls,
Multiplying and returning to me tenfold,
As if reminding of the vast emptiness,
That is felt in such a miniscule space,
And time,Wretched time,
Has stolen my soul,
Using night's cloak,
Lying across my bedspread,
Grasping slowly,Then in one motion,
Pulls the carpet from under my feet,
Departing in glee,Laughing and whispering:

Little one oh little one,wherefore is she?Oh little one oh little one,pray not for me.Oh little one oh little one,I fear for thee most.Oh little one oh little one,she does not love thee.

35....

2005-03-17T20:43:00.000+08:00

Today..Well today was great..One of the few days I let off some air and all..And got a chance to catch up with some people..Yes now I declare that copyright of eggs on the moon belongs to Naim..I used it today if anyone remembers..But of course the rest was all original..It was so dumb of me...I came this close to..Ah hell at least it didnt..Damn it me and my smart moves..Sorry bout it..Well I guess today was one hell of a day..I think I may actually sleep..Sighh..I'm at fault.I'm sorry again I guess..I cant remember how many times I've said that but I guess too many to count...

Untitled

It doesnt matter what I say,
When all you hear,
Are but words,No meaning,
I guess I lost it,
Drowned it beneath all my faults,
And all you get,Is endless ranting,
Here my verse,Its as simple as it gets,
No alliterations,No metaphors,
No similies to confuse the mind,
Nor all the facades and masks,
That I use to fool the mass,
Here I go,
Tell you all I can,
But in the end,
I'm just another guy,
Maybe a jerk,
I think I am,
Sometimes too off key,
With all my attempts,
To make you laugh,
I know its hard,
To accept me if ever,
And I guess I'm just,
Another hopeless lover.

34 words that men say false

2005-03-15T21:27:00.000+08:00

To Return[Mother Earth]

The skies above my solemn grove,
And I nestled in its womb,
Enclaved within its tender bodice,
Impervious the skin,
Within which I lay,
Opaque the walls that surround my slumber,
The sun's rays a longed for sight,
Now that I no longer am weary,
Leave of this haven I must take,
To hear the world's cacophony but once again,
And the Earth's heartbeat against my flesh,
To tread along the shores of her lip,
And hear the raspy breath,
As she inhales,
Then to breathe in new life,
To mortal man,Who die and return,
To her rose,Which ever blooms.

33 fallen angels....

2005-03-14T19:39:00.000+08:00

Nostalgia[Revised]

I stand in reverie,
Of my distant monochrome world,
Lamenting past decisions,
Succumbed to obey my desires.

Amore,Love,Preoccuptaion,
Call it what you wish,
This affection remains,
As clearly as my memories.

But where time erases,
The heart assures,
That love in part,Atleast will not fade,
Nor will it be,Lost in this world's tumult,
Where emotions rage,Across boundaries and space.

Perhaps bittersweet would be a syllable too strong,
To say of my experience,
With love and its games,
Of how love whispers promises,That go unkept.

Deceiving,How it strokes the flames,
Of passion's heart,Fueling desire,
Then taking leave,And all too soon,
Only embers remain,To tease and whisper,
Remind me my folly.

Nostalgia,Isnt it alot like love?
How I wish it were,Then I'd spend,Everyday,
In my monochrome world,
Of dreams and memories.

32nd is the change...

2005-03-14T16:01:00.000+08:00

Heavenly Encounter

Dreamy clouds of sad lament,
Hides sun,rain and storm away,
Covering my eyes like mist and fog.
Ethereal wisps,Tendrils of vapor,
Slowly reach out,And slip around my skin.
It begins to pull,As if in attempt to draw my soul,
From its very vessel,Or to tear away,My earthly bonds.
It succeeds,Or perhaps I let it,
I am lifted,First an inch,
As if I'm growing.Slowly higher,
Until above the clouded land,And my body,
Is but a faint outline,
A single shape that lies alone,
In refusal to allow,The misty fog dominace of all.

I rise,Further into the sky,
Azure,Serene in all its beauty,
Until I reach,The very edge,
The boundary between Heaven and Earth.
I meet my maker,Even he is not perfect,
Feeling anger as we feel anger,
But all-knowing in his love.
He shows me my past,Memories,
Both treasured and forsaken,And reminds,
That life is a balance,And joy comes with pain.

He flips the pages of my life,
Till he reaches,My present time,
And he frowns,Not annoyed,
Merely concerned like a father of his growing son,
He picks a pen,Scribbles a note,
Passes it to me,And sends me away.

I awake,On my bed,
In my palm lies a piece of paper,
Curious I read,
"If you love,love for love,not for reward,not for recognition.
If you love,love for love,not to be loved but to love."

31st tis the day the month ends...

2005-03-08T20:24:00.000+08:00

Hmm nothing much has happened....Except for this and that...Its actually better putting myself apart from them...It gives me no chance to ever make that same mistake again...[Standing a little too close to this wall I cant see how far I've come...Or how distant the beginning was...Impulsively I try to break it down,banging my fists,as if in an attempt to slip through those miniscule cracks,pores so small they could fit through the eye of a needle...I search the span of the horizon...It runs the length of my eyes vision...Too far...Perhaps just a little too far...]

Selfish Fellows

Ebb and flow,

Of Love and Hate,

One then seeks,

For another to elate,

Perhaps for Joy,

Maybe for sorrow,

Then what are we,

But selfish fellows.

Then were do we,

Hide our contempt,

For this people so blind,

Their words so fickle,

Marring the name,

Of Love time and time again,

Using its purity,

For personal gain,

Unknowing they speak,

Slowly,But surely defame,

The name of Love,

You selfish fellows.

30 reasons why i never said i loved you

2005-03-02T20:44:00.000+08:00

Hmm not much too say I guess...No matter the state of depression holding the emptiness or void or watever u want to call it,it remains my way of not letting go...To decide or not...But my mind thinks it best,not to decide at all...God Bless...

Best Be To Forget

Engraft my name,
Carve it on bare skin,
Entomb my love,
'Neath the labyrinth memories,
Immerse my face,
To depths where shadows disappear,
Let be thine absent mind,
To forget my existence,
Nullify wounds and words,
Salve of saving touch,
Then should thy heart plead,
Beg thee differ,Plead thee indifference,
Drown then its voice,
'Neath this music of endless silence.

29 wounds that bleed my indignation...

2005-02-28T19:42:00.000+08:00

Well today wasnt too bad...Went and played Magic with Khye An and Naim...Ended up in nobody winning because Khye An had to go off for chinese remedial...Hmm well still cant do that damn basketball move yet...Or rather cant do it fast enough...Well this saturday me was thinking of having a match...The China guys and me from my place against the Singaporeans on the court...We wiped the floor with them last time...But still they were good..Hmm well guess have to start soccer training soon...Then have to go to gym for PT...Sigh....Hmm well not much poems today....Actually quite a few but all still halfway...[Extract from todays event]-(With disruption of course)[[[One eye peers to the heights...One level above my world...Yet still it is too high for one to climb...And the reward too worthy for one to claim...Perhaps thou mayst find one who comforts thee in times where shadows loom...I say this not as one who loves thee...Perhaps I do...But as much as only a friend would ever...I wish not to see tears...Nor silent fears...Let thineself not ponder on why thy look this way...Words cannot amount for me to say...Thou art perfect..Perfection if ever embodied...But nay not mine...Nay never will thee ever...Then I ask of thee but one thing...I wish at my passing for thee to sing...Nay not tears...Nay not fears....]]]Hmm well that ends that extract from a later part of the day tpday...Anyway God Bless....

My Shadow

I,
Yes me,
A boy not yet of age,
A child of adolescent years,
Yes me,
I watch my shadow,
Play its games,
It stays with me,
Though summer days,
It doesnt fade,
It doesnt stop,
Each action I make,
Recreated in its entirety,
Its there,
Through every single passing second,
A single dark figure,
That stains pure light,
I try to make it disappear,
But it is in vain,
Still its there,
Though how faint it sometimes becomes,
Then one day I walked out of the light,
Darkness held its hand across my eyes,
And my shadows once demeaning sight,
Was wished for once again...

28 days let to pass...

2005-02-26T12:01:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time hasnt it...My life has taken quite a turn....In more ways than I ever expected...Well u know how sometimes u have to move on right?Lol..I guess u do...Well she seems happy enough...So I'll let go...And besides I have something to smile about...Well almost everyone knows what that is but lets just keep that to myself yah....Havent had much time to write...Busy with soccer and stuff....But came up with one yesterday while I was on the MRT...I guess this is it...Not much to say...Revel in the beauty of summer's warmth...Let loose the burdens of winter's touch...God Bless...

Watch Me Bleed[Draft 2]

Watch me bleed,
Dont avert your eyes,
Watch me bleed,
Away my disguise,
Watch me bleed,
Hear me tell my lies,
Watch me bleed,
Watch me turn to dust and fade,
Watch my heart and body sift away,
Watch me pass and you will know,
Each day I loved you ever more so...

Forgotten

Wisps of mist seep into my skin,
Tendrils so thin it slips around these cords,
Pulling t'ward my self-designed core,
Further into the selfish desires and dreams I hold,
The cords tighten its grip over the boundaries of my heart,
Monochrome gives my soul its new tinge of reverie,
Perhaps of the past or present,
Or of wishes that remain unfulfilled...

27...My time's reduced...

2005-02-13T20:53:00.000+08:00

Well today was one of a kind...It finally happenned...The waltz begins...It will last for a few years...Then whose to say what will happen at its end...Hmm...Valentines Day...So this day of love,Hath turned to one of false introspects,Where herein Love is not duely spared,The commerciality of the world....For some though this love is true...For others it's another way of getting more 'hits' to their list...I'm supposed to forget her rite?Well then I will do what I must...Sigh...I dont know if I should show one last gesture then let it fade...Or stale it here and now...God bless....

Watch Me Bleed

Watch me bleed,
No dont turn away,
Dont turn your eyes the other way,
Watch me bleed,
No dont try to say,
You've kept silent day by day,
Watch me bleed,
Watch blood flow,
Watch me let go of all I know,
Watch me turn into dust and fade,
Watch me let this sorrow invade,
Watch me die and you will know,
I loved thee everyday more so...

I Really Love You

Today I awoke,
From my dream,
Not of fiction,
But of reality,
To realise,
I really love you.

Today I watched time pass,
Pass in succession,
No second lingered,
No minute moaned,
As I sat realising,
I really love you.

Today I let my fears go,
To dance with cloudless skies,
They soared on wings of the wind,
Forever above on high,
As I felt them go,I watched realising,
I really love you.

Today my burden grew heavier,
Because now I know,
Everything I've been told,
Was all lies and fabrications,
For now I realise,
I really love you.

26 presents I will give

2005-02-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

Well life went on as usual...Patrick stayed over my house...Then we went over to Han Seng's house to relax...Valentine's day coming...Am not sure that the maelstrom guys actually think it a day worth recognising as it has turned into a day where commerciality has outranked the meaning of the day itself,Love...Wrote two poems in preparation for Valentine's though for no particular reason...First on is sometin new I tried from the iambic pentameter and sonnet like formation...Of course none of the features stand out as iambic penta and sonnet due to the changes...The iambs are not in the lines...Stressed and unstressed pattern...Oh well...First poem is on Beauty's End..Basicly the poem explains itself...Second one is on well again the poem explains itself...God Bless...

Beauty's End

Thine lips glow like rubies on moonlit nights,
Hair of embroidered gold spun into waves unfold,
Skin as soft as the touch of autumns hand,
The goddess Perfection in thee she resides,
Where then art we to find such mortal man bold,
Though how far and wide we mayst scour the land.
O mortal goddess say not in furied haste,
For thine beauty we art sure wilt not be forlorned,
But we fear mortal man mean not to taste,
This sweet nectar of a fruit yet unmourned.

My Lie

Guises aplenty,
Masks I don to fool thee,
But nay,It remains untrue,
A falsehood said,
By this lips,
A lie told,
By this heart.

I saw thee alone,
Unacompanied,Unfollowed,
No soul strayed in a corner,
In wait for thine glance,
Words formed in my heart,
But my mortal being,
Feared to utter it.

The clouds weeped,
I saw thee fall,
Tears mingled with the rain,
My hand,My legs,Moved forth,
But love touched not my mind,
Unmoved by thine sight,
Though how grave was my soul's yearning.

I spoke those words,
Spoke of what held not one vestige of truth,
For none are akin to thee,
No face compares,
Did thy not see,
My lie so blatant,
When I said I did not love thee.

25 days constantine spent in Hell

2005-02-11T22:10:00.000+08:00

Nightingale sing thine song of old....Sing of splendours none will behold....Sing O nightingale for when thy song ceases,so doth the world...

24th of july...

2005-02-10T18:32:00.000+08:00

Then let the sparrows sing...Let them drown us in their songs of hope...And there will be peace...As long a time as there may be...Learning to let the mind forget...Is a skill I pray I may master...

23....None a lovers embrace...

2005-02-10T13:26:00.000+08:00

Leave me my dreams of restitution...

Part 1 Of Part 2

"So where you wanna go?"

He looked across the canteen.Their eyes met just for that second.Then she looked away.He sighed.

"How bout the beach?"

Jared grabbed his bag.

"Well that settles it then.Lets go.I'm cant bear spending another moment here."

They trudged silently.Each lost in his own thoughts.Then David smiled.

"Have you ever wondered why the two people we love,are best friends.Seems God does have a way of lessening the pain.He gave me you to share it with.And you,me."

Jared laughed.

"You and your ideas David.Well maybe you're right.I dont know how hard it would have been going through it all alone.Atleast you're here to be the stupid goofball you should be."

He saw that look David got whenever he came up with a stupid idea.

"Sing with me...Sick and tired of this world,there's no more air,trippin over myself,goin no where,waitin,suffocatin,no direction,I took a dive and..."

Jared grinned like a goof.

"On the way down I saw you and you saved me from myself...And I wont forget the way you loved me..On the way down I almost fell right through,but I held on to you..."

"Well that atleast applies to you Jared...You had her...I never even got a chance..."

They continued walking.The clouds above brewed mixed sentiments.Patches of the azure sky were still visible.Though the grey mood of the clouds enveloped most of it.

"But then again..Having her in my life for those few minutes,seconds,hours,days,hurts me more..Because I know it had a chance of being...But will never be again.."

"Then I ask you...Does the fact that it could have been hurt more than the fact it could never be?But then again as you say,it depends on the situation,and who experiences it...For most it fades or is stored in the list of "failures",but for us it stays..Different people then have different experiences and visualisations..."

They reached the beach.David felt a little undecided.

"I think we should settle over on the other side...Just in case somebody comes along."

Who would that someone be David?You always have a knack for this type of things.

They made their way to the other end of the beach.Where the last visible rock was.Settling,David sighed.

"The pounding of the waves against the shore,sounds as if the world is breathing.Slow,rasped breathing,never changing,except in due time,even that,unregistered for man."

They sat silent.Not a sound came from their lips.Lost in silent contemplation.Both unsure what to do.Minutes lingered long.David uttered almost unheard words.They escaped his lips in hushed whisper.

"I sink beneath the surface of her heart.Dying a thousand deaths of beauty and lies.Martyred for her pleasure.Buried 'neath all my guises.For which I tried to disasuade my heart,from longing hers in turn."

Jared replied,his answer coming from all those times he sat thinking about what could heal,the wounds that dug so deep.

"We dont chose when,where,how,and who.Love makes that choice for us.And often his choice,is the last one we would make.But nonetheless he has chosen.And it is he who rules our hearts.Not our minds,nor our desires."

David glanced off to his left,just in curiousity.As always he proved himself right.There she as.Or more correctly put.There they were.He laughed.

"The irony.Look off to your left.This is turning out to be one of the most screwed up days I've ever had."

Jared's heart ceased to beat,just for those few seconds,then continued as if nothing had happened.

"Well you were right.Someone did come along.Just not someone we expected."

David smirked.

"Well I wish I wasnt right.Should we leave?"

Jared shook his head.

"We'll stay.Let them go first.It will be easier that way.We wont have to pretend we dont see them.And they us..."

He looked in their direction just once more.She was smiling.He was glad.

Well Jared she's not yours...And she never will be...Sometimes I wish I could just forget...

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

No words they speak,
Hearts in languid displacement,
Conjoined in sorrow,
Their lovers unreached,
Friends in treacherous depths,
Their only handholds,
The ones in which they cling,
Is yet unknown to be anothers keep,
God then gave,
Themselves as comfort,
To ease the pain,
Of their mortal love.

22 questions that death may ask

2005-02-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

Just too tired....The night did not go well...

Untried

Air so cold,
Breath freezes in mid flight,
My paced agenda,
Seeks out its purpose,
Without name,Nor face,
The clouds above brew,
Misty silence,
While the wind sings,
Of hope and love,Of all material things,
Then silent I scream,
The air from my lungs,
Seeps away,
I lay without breath,
Yet still I lunge,
Into the flame,
To try and claim,
What will never be mine.

21's the lucky number...To live or die...

2005-02-09T15:06:00.000+08:00

Just once...Just once...

Part 2 Of Part 1

So then the heart bleeds...No hand may heal...No surgeon may restore...What is already lost...Yet still it beats...Rythimic thumping of its works...As if trying,to die in martyred fashion...

His pen moved.Pouring words,feelings,emotions,onto paper.Binding it in a prison of mortal capacity.In a sense it held him aloft through all the pain.But still he allowed himself to feel part of it.Just to remember he still breathed.

"David.Have you actually done your work?"

Ms Keblem's voice pushed through his thoughts.Shoving the paper beneath the piles of homework on his desk he prostrated his work in the air.

"Actually I have."

She smirked.

"Glad to see you still reside in this world.Now stop your scribbling of whatever that was and pay attention."

He grinned.As if trying to whisper he said,

"Well how much do I have to pay?"

Ms Keblem turned around.

"What was that I heard you say?"

He put on an innocent face.

"Why nothing."

Off to his right he could almost feel Joseph formulate his one of a kind replies.

"As always we conclude that David is lame."

The class laughed.

I can always trust him to have an answer...Thank god for him...I feel bad for using his fickle mind...No I dont...

"And was your thoughts asked for Joseph?"

"Oh no oh no!I didnt speak that aloud did I?

The class erupted with laughter.Replies came from one corner to another.David fueled the flame with some remarks then withdrew.He glanced off to his left.Well there she was.Just a few seats away.Yet so far,distant,out of reach.He laughed inside.

Atleast she smiles..

He drew himself back inwards.To the times long past.Back to memories that were not his own,but still were a part of him...

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Jared looked out of the room.She was just a class away.Practically ten steps from the door.But that distance seemed to stretch forever long.Each time he passed her the moments seemed to linger.His heart failed to beat.And each time he came out of that moment he did so panting for breath,though he never let it show.

Life has to go on...I pray the Lord give me strength...

He turned his attention back to the lesson.Math,well he used to like math.Until the complex equations and formulaes constantly drove him to derive solutions to questions he wished he never asked.He looked out the window one more time.

If those times where we laughed and smiled together were true...I pray Lord that you let them fill me life again...Should they not be...Then let her find happiness in whatever she seeks...

He sighed turning his thoughts to the matters on hands.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Ebb and flow,

Of Love and Hate,

One then seeks,

For another to elate,

Perhaps for Joy,

Maybe for sorrow,

Then what are we,

But selfish fellows.

20 days of war and death

2005-02-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

Too tired...Too many times I had to put the mask up...All I have is this...Death doesnt seem too bad...But what then will become of them?God save my soul...

The story of two guys in love with two best friends.

Part 1

The rain fell.As rain always fell.Somehow though it seemed different.The drops slid off his skin differently.As if taking a moment,pausing to sigh,then departing.

"Rain absolve me of sin...Lightning baptize me in light...Death cremate me in fire..."

He laughed.

"Somehow that seems right doesnt it Jared?"

He turned to see tears running down Jared's face.

"Nothing...Nothing seems right...All that was ever right...Is now no longer within my reach..."

David pulled himself a little closer,as if to whisper.In a low voice he said,

"Does that flame still remain?Or has the void shattered?"

Jared laugh.Yet it was cold.A laugh of cold reasons.

"The void holds.But can one not revel in the sting of tears as well as the cleansing of rain?"

David turned away.Staring out to sea.

"You become more and more like the people I fear we will eventually turn into.But knowing you,this phase will pass.But the scars will ever remind.Not on flesh.Not the wounds that drew blood.This scars arent shown.They will serve a better reminder than that carved on our skin."

Jared stared at his hands,turning his palms over and over again.

"On the soul David...On the soul...Where else will they forever remain etched...Carved on stone they will fade...Burnt onto skin it will turn to dust...No...These scars will remain on our souls...Nowhere else..."

"Is that anger speaking Jared?Or just pure reason?"

"Anger remains outside my capacity to feel.I learnt well from you.Sometimes I think that I am no longer capable of feeling emotions."

David rose.Grabbbing both their bags he sighed.

"Just for a few more years...Just for these years...Then maybe we will forget...As memories fade...As men die..."

He tossed Jared his bag.

"Lets go...Its getting late."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Ok here I go...Put up that mask David...Put it up firm...

He walked along the path.Quiet,silent,ready to face another day.He reached school with not a sound.

So far so good...I hope I wont have to use this facade too soon...

As if in answer to his question Joan and Renee walked up.They said almost in unison,

"Hi David!"

Of all the times

"Hi guys..Ohh I mean girls.."

"David!Do we look like guys to you?"

He laughed.

"No no you look just fine.My mistake."

They chuckled.

"Ohh well we better sit down."

"Yah..I gotta go to the bathroom for a minute.I'll come round later.."

He walked away not waiting to hear their answers.Reaching the bathroom the familiar smell of mens cologne greeted him.Suprisingly there was no one.

Turning on one of the taps he scooped some of the running water and ran in through his face.Staring into the mirror he looked for signs of weariness.

Seems just fine...Well here I go...God why do I love her?

He didnt realise he had spoke the last words aloud.

"Love who David?"

He turned to find Nathan alongside one of the cubicles.

"No one."

"Yah right...Ohh stop admiring yourself in the mirror.You look the same for pete's sake..Besides which girl in their right mind who look at you?"

David laughed.

"Well for one those who ARE in their right minds."

With that they bickered all the way to the assembly line.

You have no idea Nathan...You have no idea...

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

19 roses of blood and tears

2005-02-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

Well today went alrite...Balled with J Zan but Yao didnt come....We got bored with them guys there so we went one-on-one...As usual I lost but atleast respectably...Pulled off my handles...And 1's and my own ones...Lost 7-6,7-5...After that I managed to drag him all the way to the Garden to write poetry....But with him there well I didnt write anythin...We just talked about our lives now...Well great to know he's still up there wid the ladies...Yes J Zan don say no...Anyway God bless and take care...May the stars shine on your passage...

Wondering

It's little wonder why I ever try,
Already knowing you said goodbye,
But somehow I cant,
Though no matter how I pray,
To leave you in that place,
Where all my dreams went astray,
That place where so many hopes I set aside,
Putting you among all those failed aspires,
But someday I'll leave,
Though no matter how it may hurt,
I gave my love,To one who has not heard.

18 petals fall

2005-02-05T22:12:00.000+08:00

Hmm well I actually should be writing now but oh well...Balled with some of the guys then had time alone in the Garden...Anyway I hope she does well...Well she will...I dont even have to say anything...It probably wont help but oh well...If your thougths are on what will happen in the event of a loss,Then you've already lost...Best to leave the future to dabble itself...Take care and God bless...May Light ever illumine your path...This poem was written in answer to the question what actually happened on THAT day...Well here it is....

Controlled

My forearm weakens,
As demons pour within,
They rage and storm,
And these emotions are no longer my own,
I fight a losing war,
Every battle lost,
Without meaning I watch,
Adrift in a silent world,
Alone,
I know,
Perhaps I thought I did,
But I've lost control,
And they have gained passage to my soul.
"NO!
Leave!
Return me my lips,My hands,My legs."
But they grin,
As they pull the plug,
Essence drained,
No longer contained,
No feelings,
None at all,
Adrift,
Silent,
I watch.

If you're at the end of this poem means you actually read it...So perhaps u think that you perceived its meaning correctly...Dont...No one but I know...But u're free to try...Who knows...Maybe you'll guess right....

17 poems of love and war

2005-02-04T21:37:00.000+08:00

Loving her brings many a challenges...Well I went and played soccer wid all my ex-haisian frends....That was after I had to rush home to help my Dad in sometin....Anyway played with Rajiv,Jason,Jerald,Denise,Darryl,Irvin and the rest...I miss her already...But it is a thing I will have to bear...I pray God keep her safe...I pray he hold her in his arms and give her strength...That he may love her more than any other...Sigh...These two poems were pieces I wrote to put up on my class notice board...To help with the theme 'Keeping Our Love Alive'...Also posted up Glorious Love Of Rainbows In Autumn and To Love A Lady...Well anyway take care and God bless...May light guide your way...

Daughter Of The Moon

O moon O moon,
Where art thine daughter?
I fear her lost in silent contemplation,
I seek afar yet her glow is unfound,
Unseen,Unfelt,Through all this darkness aloft,
I fear her harmed,
Her heart a'skew,
I fear my words,
Tore our bond in two,
Curse my tongue,
It spoke in haste,
Now I fear,
All is gone to waste.

Days linger,
Without thine presence to warm me so,
Now I lay huddled in thine mother's grove,
No whispers of promise do I hear,
Nor the touch that caressed me to slumber,
My eyes watch patiently,
My ears in constant vigilance,
For fear that thy may return but once more,
To give a kiss and depart unseen.

O where O where,
Where are thy now?
Come return,
Leave my side not,
This darkness I fear I cannot fend,
Brought upon me by thine absence,
I fear I have sinned,
But forgive me once,For once I plead,
Stay with me ever long,Till eternity sleeps.

Growing On Love

Maiden fair,
I ask thee once,
Would thy love me,
Were I not me,
Through rain and storm,
Would thee stand,
Or would thee flee,
At complications head,
Fear not thine answer,
For it matters not,
All the words that need be said,
Are simple yet true indeed,
Say I love thee I plead with thee so,
Then o'er mortals will fade away,
As 'neath this moonlit sky I gaze at distant stars,
While my soul remains in its journey,To all those worlds afar,
Love O Love,
I praise thee so,
For in thine presence,My heart did grow.

16 darkened souls in his keep

2005-02-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

A prayer for one is said by many...Yet for many only one does pray...She...I dont know...She's just there...Not surrounded by anything...Juz in that empty space...Everytime I look everything just sifts away...And she's all alone...In that space...I dont know...Why is it so hard juz to be like other guys and juz say "Oh well I didnt love her anyway."?Because the truth is...I love her...More than anyone before her...And there was only one person before her..I hope she did well...Well I should know she did well but I just in case...I hope she doesnt stress herself...Continue working hard and she'll definitely succeed...Sleep and sleep well...Worry not what tommorrow may bring...For today has its own problems...God bless her...Poem is for Maelstrom Poetry...Supposed to write a poem based on a pic....Here's my perception...And the second one was just written out of well...Nvm...Well enjoy...

Judgement

Heaven passed judgement,
Sending forth a bolt that striked deep,
Tendrils of blinding light,
Reached out in all directions,
Seemingly trying to grasp at the very air,
The clouds stood in silence,
Though their darkened faces said as much,
Of their dissaproval,
Yet also of their inability to do anything but watch,
Watch as what must be done is done,
But in doing what is necessary no pleasure is taken,
All in purposes name,
None for joy nor for fame,
The sun however showed his emotions more blatant,
Red with fury,Hatred boiled down to his core,
But nonetheless he stood aside,
Watching from afar,
Appearing only to others as a distant image of anger,
But of his stand,All are certain,
Pain brings not restitution.

Do You Not See

Red sky,
Darkened morn,
Do you not see,
Her heart heavily adorned.
Passing breeze,
Trudging streams,
Do you not see,
Her eyes silent gleam.
Tempest storms,
Gale winds,
Do you not see,
She is absolved of sin.
Starry nights,
Cloudless sky,
Do you not see,
She wishes to fly.

15 reactions to one question

2005-02-02T20:41:00.000+08:00

Hmm well today was...How do I put it?Was well as always the same...I managed to write three notable poems by messing with names....But I'll only post two...Hmm well I and Alan lost in Magic but I managed to beat Terence and Najiy in a handicap match...I forgot that Najiy had Take The Reins and played my Exo too early...I pumped my creature till 46/46...The craziest u can ever go...And it was Lone Wolf which could deal damage as if it werent blocked...Oh well...I hope someday she'll manage to forgive me enough to talk to me...Anyway...I pray God keep her safe..Till her due time..That he shelter her from all harm...I pray he keep her in his hand...Her name scrawled on his palm...That he bless her in all she does...I pray most of all that he love her more than any other...I pray this in the Lord's name...Amen...Here I go...I'm gonna post my lyrics to my song tommorrow I think so yah...Anyway here goes nothing...

Glorious Love Of Rainbows In Autumn

Autumn heat,
Caresses my skin,
Then as quick,
Dries it again,
The wind that blew,
Stirred not a leaf,
Nor the damp soil,
Nor my sleep.

Autumn rain,
Pours in quiet compulsion,
Then as quick,
Stops at once,
The drops that fell,
Stirred none a soul,
Nor drying wells,
Nor my abode.

Autumn sun,
Dries fallen rain,
Then as quick,Begins its game,
The hanging vapour,Bends its light,
The splicing of colours,Creates quite a sight,
Spreading in arrays,Forming coloured bonds,
Stretched across the sky,Conjoined with the sparrow's song

O rainbow O rainbow,
In autumn sun,
From autumn rain,
Your mellow disposition,
Brings thought of her name.

Before Dawn

Twilight zone,
What is left of night,
Silent prayers,Quiet fright,
Condesending cold,
That chills me so,
But in time,All will go,
A speck of light,Breaks the scene,
A ray at first,Just to begin,
Then slowly more,Beams are formed,
The wailing cries,Now cease to mourn,
The sky his canvas,An artist paints,
Of colors known,And those too faint,
The rising sun,Begins her climb,
Breaking the hold,Of woeful night.

14 Steps pave the way

2005-02-01T20:52:00.000+08:00

Hmm we lost...Or more correctly said I lost...A lesson given...But no reception is due...Rematch will come soon...I will have to hold the void long enough to score and win...Too much emotions hamper me...Oh well what is done is done...Strike One...Hmm so I think maybe she was just unlucky today...Or a bit nervous...Oh well dont worry...There is always another chance...Atleast she tried her best...Well I cant say that for myself...Me and my ideas...Nvm...Well I hope she does well...Me saying anything wont help her much but I'll say it anyway...Believe in what you can do,Achieve what they say you cannot...Well I hope she does well...Poem on a silent person who holds burdens that are his own...He puts on constant facades to steer others away from what he must do...

Silent Protaginist

Silent protaginist your eyes so deep,
I watch you held in torment's keep,
Your lips let forth words of silence,
Incurring the wrath of a sorrow blindless,
Your dreams you dream with not a care,
But to perceive their meaning none would dare,
The burden heavy laden is yours alone,
Yet you tread with none a moan,
Not a whisper of complaint,
Nor the folly claim of a saint,
Each day bears endless trials,
But nonetheless you push through each mile,
Though determination has long since been lost,
The sins of many did you take the cost,
Only for purpose do you continue,
Your heart already torn at its sinews,
Your journey will end,
And there will be found a cure,
But how,where and when none know,
Only God above is sure...

13 men in love with her

2005-01-27T18:41:00.000+08:00

Hmm...Miss her in just the span of a millisecond...Hope she does well...Today was much like any other day...The past two days I actually slept...But I dont want to anymore...Too many nightmares...Of stuff that I cant even remember off....I cant even wake up from them...No waking up in the night with cold sweat...I wake up when the alarm clock rings with sweat and tears pouring down my face and only the memory of my last dream in my head...Its gettin too often...And than cursed weakness...A flaw perhaps or a counter-measure to make sure of my fallability...I dont know how much longer I can actually take it...Ms Khoo is unknowingly talking about something that relates too much to me to be a coincidence....God somehow is saying let go...Or is he telling me to hold on?I don know which is which....But its for sure that watever Ms Khoo said is so closely related to that incident and its after effects that I thought she knew...Which would have been...Impossible....And even the small details...The ones I pick at every time I think back...I pray she does well...God bless her and keep her...That he may shadow her from the rain and sun with the palm of his hand,that he may guide her along this world's path with his shining,everlasting light....In the Lords's name I pray...Amen...Posting two poems..None of relation to me though...Juz pieces for friends...

Love's Dark Side

Falling further in bondage,
My heart is a frenzied tangle,
My meticulous life strewn across the floor,
All for a single person?
Such foolish acts must be a thing condemned,
But I see each soul,
Every living being that I pass by,
To be in this state of sickness,
I fear we must find a cure,
For our humankind's progress is slowly,but surely,hampered,
This silent plague,takes each day,
With no more than a whisper,Or the touch of a hand,
It sweeps off its victims,
To world's where none seem impossible,
Where all colors run astray,
Throwing the world in an endless kaleidoscope of possibility,
By how are we to organize our already weakened defense,
When all have already been taken hold by this sinister disease,
I fear we can do nothing but watch it make its way,
Through our lifes,Along the paths we built,
But this retribution has been a long time coming,
For we let this terror spawn from the most simplest of emotions,
One that we now shiver at the very mention of its name,
Love...

Fooled By You

Maybe there were days,
When your words did hold their meaning true,
Perhaps there were times,
When your kiss was one truly given,
But these days that pass,
These days that fleet by,
Passing as quick as a glance,
Though lingering as heavily as a gaze,
They hold no real meaning,
The daily proprieties I observe are respected nonetheless,
But what purpose do they hold?
They succeed in but increasing my burden,
One already heavy laden with those that I must carry,
Your face but adds to all this clamor,
This rush to fulfill what has been prophesied,
I fear myself already made a fool by you,
For your love I must confess,
Was one never truly given.

12 rings forged from death as from life

2005-01-26T20:54:00.000+08:00

The ability to feel is a hindrance to human development...Perhaps so..Perhaps not...I will find a way to hold the void without ever losing it...Gentle rain caresses my skin,Tickling me in silent pleasure...Tears run down my face,Stinging heart as it does my cheeks....The tide pulls back and forth,In a compulsion none know...And her eyes hold me gaze so,but futile is an attempt to ever hold her heart...Anyone can write of beauty -- of life, friendship, love everlasting -- but it is those rare, brave souls who dare to live their words that are the true poets of the universe. That is where true beauty lies.....Taken from Just A Mona Lisa....My beloved maelstrom moderator...Wise and true words...Hmm some try and fail to even go beyond their first step.....Nonetheless....Nvm...May The Lord bless you and keep you....Let light shine on this darkneing path....Poem in reference to such matters that only I perhaps understand....For they are my own...

Trying To Be

Many a nights,
I have sat and wondered,
Of my love for you,
And why it holds me true so,
But thoughts give way to tears,
As the realisation of my inability sets in,
I am not what you want,
I can not become what you so wish for,
But I will change,
What I may change,
But there are things I may not,
No matter how I try,
The letters that spell my name will not change,
Nor does the features of my face,
My voice can not be the one you so long to hear,
Nor can my laughter be joyous in another way,
I am me,
I am what God created,
Not what I so long to be,
The soul who has gone and held your heart captive.

11 men of honor

2005-01-25T19:41:00.000+08:00

Slow,silent,drifting,far,peace,sorrow,longing,death....Today was well alrite...Taking a step at a time...Another match is coming up...Wont slack too much...Juz dribble with a bit more care than my usual 'u come I go'...Juz a bit more...Too much humiliation breaks even the most unshameful of men...But I will put a distant big enough....My consolation is seeing her..But still knowing she IS NOT and WILL NOT be mine...*Corrects himself*...She will not journey with this burdened soul...Each day you smile...But each day your smile seems lesser...Your eyes used to dance in light...But now they grow clouded...From one of my projects...Which is not going too well...Too much time spent...Hmm...May the Lord Bless You And Keep You...May the stars give their light for your passage...This poem was written due to my extreme boredom in geog lesson...Written juz to amuse myself...The lines have inverted words...As in one line has a specific word and the next line has its oppostie...Like love and hate,Sorrow and joy,death and life....

Pit Of The Fallen

Reminiscing -past- memories,
To a time whence Hope was -present-,
The -future- looks drearily bleak,
With an -end- far from sight,
I am caught in the -middle- of a maelstorm,
Where each new -beginning-,
Heralds -Death- uncountable,
Pain a constant reminder of -Life-,
While each day -Sorrow- is ever amplified,
-Joy- now a thing long forgotten,
Even -Love- laying down arms,
So -Hate- spreads rampant,
While Deceit reigns as -King-,
With temptation the -Queen- by his side,
A -silent- plague runs -deep-,
As a -shallow- pool of -deafening screams- is sealed.

10 Blades forged from blood

2005-01-24T20:19:00.000+08:00

Hmm had a match today....Against n2 and t1...Won but a sorry win...7-3...Missed 8 shots that I would usually slot in....Nvm....[Slow humming from slient bliss,Cresendos into the night's familiar racket of socailism,Potent desire for the flesh,Shadows all other thoughts but one,Love perhaps,Love maybe not]I will somehow manage to get over this incensing lame excuse for a life...Somehow...Hopeful with her....But knowing what I know it is perhaps to much to ask...Time will tell...But what it whispers may not be the truth....Perhaps a twist of it...But not its whole....God bless and may light guide this dark path we tread...Poem is on the event tha happened today and some months ago...Perhaps she still remembers....Maybe that is too much to hope for....

The Silent Wall

I moved a step forth,
And I did see your face,
Those few moments our eyes met,
But just as quick they turn away,
For bitter feelings have grown too strong,
Running too deep for even the most warmest of touchest,
Nor for the looks so pleading,
Perhaps someday that wall will fall,
The one that stands high between us,
Built from my actions,
As they were by time,
A day where the hand of God left my side,
Where my weakness was blatantly shown,
My physical as it was my mental,
A fate I did not ask for,
But an offset for what I have been given,
As it is said none are without a secret,
And I hold many none must know,
For fear I may be pried apart,
Every inch every corner purged,
Just to fall me,
To take away the pride I have,
But ask and I will give away my pride,
It means nothing beside the worth you hold,
For you are one I may not price,
Doing so would be sin,
I will give,
All that waits is one who must ask,
I love only one,
Though I dwell among many,
That one remains unchanged,
I remain in love with you.

9 plains littered with death

2005-01-23T19:15:00.000+08:00

Silent prayers in darkening skies,Futile yet endless your heart silently cries,Looking afar,For one to hold your hand,Your soul's ajar,Giving men freedom to roam your land,Gentle rain absolves you of sin,As silent prayers clear your darkened conscience.Three days have passed with much success...Daily routine of waking,bathing,eating,balling,and training...Little progress in trying to wake without thinking of people that should not be thought off but training and balling(both soccer and basketball)seem to be having effects...Hmm soccer match tommorrow and the next day...Lets hope they dont say they're too 'tired' again and call that declining a challenge..Most people would call that crawling away from one but I would personally call it trying to issue one...I gladly except any that come my way...But none have thus far...I will however keep issueing them and perhaps you may actually have the guts to accept one and not shove each away and say that it is your choice to say no...I would keep silent and say not a word if only you would not use words instead of actions to prove your superiority...We will meet you on the field...One way or another I will have you...Whether sooner or later it will dictate how much shame I will make you face...Enough of my senseless ranting....The class that perceives to be addressed to them may well likely be correct...May the Lord bless you and keep you and he may shine light on thine path....

Silent Hopes

Gentle words may yet harm,
A heart already frail,
Through darkness perhaps peace may be found,
Where the light disturbs one's thoughts,
Silent reverie may birth bitter feelings,
As Love may yet bring forth unforeseen Hate.

There may exist a place yet,
Where one may sit silent with not a sound,
Where this world's constant hum,
Is drowned by the whistling wind,
But hoping for its existence,
Does not bring it life.

Sitting and wishing fulfills none a dream,
Nor does prayer without the lift of a finger,
None an action,
Produces none a reaction,
Though sometimes both are not in reach,
And we are given neither as a choice.

8 days of mourning

2005-01-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

In silence all is heard...In hate love is found...In light darkness remains...Maybe just maybe I'll understand...I wish to converge on the focal point of my inability to live..As I am unable to do what I must someone must be made to do it for me....But still I love but in loving bonds are tied that will not break as will the oaths that I have sworn...Ingrained into body and soul they will not be defiled....Therefore I am incapable of action...But perhaps my old self would have a say...Perhaps not...Hmm...Bought B'day pres for shermaine and some other people...Other than that nothing much happened except for the fact that eons past in waiting and my going left a sense of incapibilty to ever let of something that is not mine....

Goodbye

Endless days of silent dread,
I watch the pieces of my life unfold,
Each day I hang by a single thread,
Silent as tears sting my cheeks cold,
But my fear of you grows day by day,
Till I know not what I speak,
In hopeless wishes I kneel and pray,
That you may find what it is you seek,
I never ask for love in turn,
All I ask is a smile,
One that may kindle the fire to burn,
One that may bring me through another mile,
I lay in bondage of my love,
I watch in silence of your eyes,
I stare into skies hidden above,
I turn away with a last goodbye.

7 reasons why i should leave

2005-01-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

Hmm...Today was kinda bad I dont really know why...But somehow looking into her eyes for those few seconds seemed to make everything better....It made me forget the situation we are in juz for that few seconds...But then it set in and she looked away....But somehow I felt heavier still instead of a somewhat sense of relief.....But trying to understand her is like trying to walk on water....Its impossible....But maybe someday I'll actually get a glimpse maybe a reflection of whats inside....But all is said in prayer though perhaps I hope too much...Hmm my poems seem a little off key this few months...But nonetheless I leave you with one...[I pray God you keep her safe,give her shelter in your hand..I pray you keep her forever close,watching her always no matter where she goes...I pray you give her strength to succeed in what she wishes...I pray all her dreams be granted ,no matter big or small...But I pray most of all that you may always love her and guide her through all life's trials....In our Lord's the saviours name I pray...Amen...]God bless and may light guide your path....

Unnamed

How much the cost for one to bear,
To love a lady one so fair,
Giving what I have I ask,
In her presence I gladly bask,
But this brings bittersweet to my tongue,
Of a love so hopeless my heart's unstrung,
Time healed not that throbbing pain,
Leaving me alone,torn and maimed,
My wounds poured forth the dark flow of life,
Letting go of such endless strife,
So did it escape from my soul,
Giving me comfort that left me cold,
But her face could not be forgotten for time nor for death,
For all my love she did possess.

6 times I asked

2005-01-16T19:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I was made juz for the purpose of being an example of utter indifference...It seems I have no control over my life....And the big guy up there seems to be having a nap...So that leaves all the control to her...Hmm perhaps it leaves it with me...But then I can never do what I want...The ability to feel emotions is a hindrance to the human soul...But then at the same time without it life would turn monotonous...Hmm contradictory ideas....Oh well there has to be a balance...Cant seem to write so i'll juz make sometin up...God bless and take care...May the stars shine their light on your passage...

Unnamed

He promised her forever,
Not knowing forever would never come,
He walked an empty road,
Even his shadow abandoning him,
The darkness took him,
Cold was its touch,
Emerging the pain seemed so distant,
All he used to be no longer remained,
Where he tread the sun seemed to fade,
Where he lay the night seemed to be,
The only vestige left was his eyes,
Still holding the sorrow so deep,
So forth he did go,
Into the emptiness that called him so.

The 5th day of judgement

2005-01-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

Well the plan seems to be working well...None seem to even want to talk to me....Which is good perhaps though I wish there was another way...But nonetheless this is it...Well the day went quite fast....Me and Patrick balled for a while nad then I had to go SL meetin so I had to make up an excuse for being late(as always...)Then Pat fetched his galfrend and walked around white sands....Then Sing came wid his galfrend too...We hanged out a bit...Well not exactly a bit...The time of departure shifted from 4-5-6-7 and finally we left...Everyone seems to have the 'perfect gal'...And I still have to be the dumb idiot I am...It would be much better if I juz gave up...One less weakness to worry about...[[Feigning inhumility he had but no choice for each one left him weak...Each glance tore at him...Every word uttered another reason to remain...But leaving was his only option...He wished it not though rejoiced in it at once...As one last look was taken he etched her face in his mind...Wrapping himself in the void he turned away...]]Well I guess I've said as much anyway god bless and take care...May light guide your path...

Heavenly Politics Part 1

One day Life did ask Death:
"Would thou rather giveth?Or taketh?",
Death did smile then,
Though a grim smile it was,
"Why doth thou wish to know?
Do I not give thee dominion over the lives of men?
What I taketh thou then do replace."
Life though obviously puzzled persisted:
"True what thou doth say.
But why is it that thou taketh away lives,
And it is only I that replenish them?"
Death's patience weared thin yet he replied nonetheless:
"Men know not that their lives pass as but a blink in the eyes of eternity.
But when I do taketh of men they then must be replaced.
As such is thine duty.
Though how I may hate them Love would not allow their extinction.
Were it not for Love they would cease to be."
"Did I hear mention of my name?"
Love appeared,
Though his face wore a mask of concealed weariness.
Death's pale face turned paler still,
Should such a phenomenon be possible.
"Nay I fear not Love.Perhaps thine imagination did fool thee."
Love supressed a grin,
Though somewhat unsuccessful.
"Perhaps Death.Perhaps...."

4 days of endless torment

2005-01-12T21:06:00.000+08:00

Life moves on...Moving on....And on...I have no words to say but the fact that I no longer wish to perceive life's meaning...Ignorance in truth is bliss...For what we do not know hurts us less...But what in whole we understand but cannot comprehend brings forth a feeling of loss of something that never really was there..Not in a poetic mood...Jus what i'm feeling perhaps....Anyway take care ok...God bless and may the Light illumine you....

Unnamed

I watch as she makes her way,
Each step echoes in my head,
Her eyes meet mine,
I watch as she turns away,
Wishing she would atleast say a word,
But knowing she will not,
Praying seems futile,
But that is truly all I have,
The hopes I hold,
And the dreams I still meander through,
Are all that keep me from the brink.
Maybe one day she'll forgive me,
Though countless times I have asked,
But no answer do I receive in turn,
It seems years have passed,
Since a word passed between her lips and mine,
But I am content that she smiles,
As I am when she laughs,
Her happiness matters more than mine,
And I would gladly give what I must.

3 days for the world to change

2005-01-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when this world turns on you....And when you stand alone....It feels better knowing that you died saving the ones you loved....Rather than living knowing you did nothing....This post isnt going to be for the 'Alex' uneducated....Well you can probably make me a subject just because my life goes through so many extremes tat I cant tell one from another....Anyway....As usual most of my poems relate to that day of my life but sometimes I do get carried away...I'll put that one up later...But for now will all women please exit the room through the front and back doors please...Ok now where was I?Ok since I'm a guy I relate more to guys...With her back turned against the wall and you her only choice would you be willing enough to make that sacrifice...In truth none of us wishes to die but does desire offset the blatant fact that she is the one you swore your love to till time forbid it so?When asked we do not hesitate and give a confident yes and yet when faced with the situation at hand we cower and run like a toddler afraid of the dark...Would we not the toddler brave that dark barrier for ourselves as well as for her?In doing so if we should fall then so be it....If a man is not willing to give what is his then how can he give what is not?Ahh but then the people we love do not know that do they?They trod about unaware that we would give anything but ourselves...A comforting thought is it not?That knowing if that she was held you would but turn and walk away?
But then there are those who do not think but do what must be done....But can we call this love?Or is it but a mixed set of emotions converging to form a thing we might call 'morals' or 'honour'?Maybe there is no such thing as love...Maybe there is...Love is a wise man's folly and a fool man's wisdom...Seemingly contradictory yet not at the same time...Such is love...The poem I wrote is not one for the too squimish but its not gory just a little dark...

Bondage

With Death on my left,
And Life on my right,
I am bound in a chamber of sin,
And my wounds lay open.

My blood falls,
Acting as repentance for my acts,
And verdict for my case,
Yet I am unafraid.

I have been judged,
As I have been time and time again,
Though in this I have no claim to innocence,
Nor do I have amnesty.

For I did what I did willingly,
None did ask of me what I gave,
But nonetheless it was given,
For dept as it was for Love.

Though sometimes I wonder at myself,
At how I have turned so cold,
That now even Hate seems but a stray beacon of light,
In a distant land of dark.

So therefore now I lay in chains,
Heavy they weigh upon me,
Though I am glad they are on my shoulders,
And on not another's.

It was all I could but do,
For one that my soul itself did Love,
My heart did tell me true,
Though I wonder if my mind ever did agree.

Perhaps it did not,
But what is done has been done,
And I am glad that it is,
So I am in patronage of love,
But I give it not but to one.

On The Second Day The Clouds Did Darken

2005-01-05T20:25:00.000+08:00

I found my one and only mental block....And of all the things it had to be it had to be.....Never mind about that...The day went by as usual...Except for perhaps a few yet expected surprises that still surprised me...I dont really know whats goin on but I'll just go with it....Yesterday night though was totally diff...I decided to go watch some bball but ended up playin myself and against all the under 20s pros...Well there where a few 17's around but I was the youngest there...It was a hot night...My jumpshots from behind the frontside of the board were a little shocking...Well they didnt even think I could play Bball....Well thats cuz they thought I was malay...Layups all went in with my usual unconvetional yet amazingly effective dunking motion pullbacks....And I managed to do an AND 1 to 3 people in a row....I racked up quite alot of points but of course I wasnt the best there...I played till 10 and by the time I reached home I was asleep...I came to sch half alive and totally exhausted and I even fell asleep durin Mr Tan's Science lesson without even wantin to..Well atleast my injury seems to be healing....Nway didnt manage to write any poems out but I'll think one up now...God bless and take care....

Unnamed

Swept across the world did he soar,
Untouched yet unpure,
Day by day he did ask,
Yet day by day he found none to answer,
He found no comfort in the stars,
Nor serenity in a lake,
For what was beauty,
Without another to share with?

I Day Too Many

2005-01-04T16:37:00.000+08:00

I just realised that love causes most of the problems in this world.Its like a hurricane....When you get caught up in its eye you feel all is calm...But outside its tearing everything apart...Ok guys I aint gonna be an asshole and ask you to break up wid ur gal or watever or vice-versa..Im just askin you to think...Have you ever felt that sometimes love makes you do things that sometimes should not be done?I wonder y I am even telling anyone this...Love makes this world go round...But at what cost no one stops to think...The whiplash is perhaps undefined but the effects are evident...[[[In love with someone who loves another as fervently as he does love her...When the one destined to bear the burden of the lives of people he does not even know loves one who is beyond his reach what will the outcome be?His decisions in turn will cost his life or anothers...When then will he be able to differentiate between what must be done and what should be done?His feelings take control of him blinding pure logic and the heart which he has so many times in life allowed to take the reins has now placed him in the weavings of an intricate affair of sorts that he may or may not yet survive...Forsaking love is an option he may yet come to consider...But for the time being he will bend to its will...]]]Sorry for that little escapade there....I doubt anyone will understand....But if you think you do try and tell me and see if its right...For the person who gets this he reads not the words but the meanings they hold....I take leave of you those who actually take the few minutes to read this...Continuation of [Message To Death].Lord Ryon's beloved mistress is on the verge of death....She feels pain unparalled...Asking him to take her life she pleads...In a twist of love and sympathy he does what she asks...Though in turn he takes his own..In hope of being in her arms in the afterlife...I hope u enjoy it....God Bless....

What Must

I will,
Yet I do not wish to,
I shall,
Yet I do not have strength,
Therefore it must be done,
And I may yet see it through.

I spoke,
Yet no words came forth,
I smiled,
Yet happiness was not present,
Therefore it must be done,
And I may yet see it through.

I loved,
Yet every consequence did I face,
I hated,
Yet every deed was one of truth,
Therefore it must be done,
And I may yet see it through.

I held her close,
Yet no warmth did I feel,
I kissed her lips,
Yet none did I receive in turn,
What must be done has been done,
And I may yet believe it true.

I shed tears,
Yet no sadness did I feel,
I laughed,
Yet the rejoicing in it was feared,
I have done what must be done,
And now I do believe it true...

End

[It is said that each petal of a rose is the tear of a maiden...](That's basicly why I hate roses...)

The Beggining

2005-01-03T19:39:00.000+08:00

Sch begins....And god the sec 1's look like kindergarden students...My little bro's are taller then em...That goes without sayin my little bro's are just like me....Lol...Anyway was good to see everyone and more....I realize how much it actually means to me....Without it my social life would go down 1/5....Well everyone seems to be fine...And no I have not gone Homosexual...Tired of people asking me y I look so contented and diff...Thats the usual sign of gayness...Anyway I feel ok about this day...It seems fine just a few setbacks and even those are minor ones that I already expected from being my old self....And so I end this day with a poem...(Even though I said I was putting poems and proses off I juz couldnt help it)It goes out to each and every guy who would give anything for HER...Sigh we're such suckers...And its a wonder y God made Woman out of Man....That makes us so unwhole without them....

A Fallen Knight Prays Before Death

Fallen upon his knees he prays,
Not one of salvation,
Nor is it one of vengeance,
Love is its message,
Blessing its intention.

Nor is this seemingly obsurd prayer one for himself,
He pours heart and soul into every word,
Each of it a piece of his heart,
Every whisper a sacrifice of his soul,
For one who has given him cause to live life.

He fought lies,
Braved deceit,
Maelstorms stood in his way,
Mountains refused him passage,
But his love held no bounds.

He walked through the fires of chaos,
The flames burning his flesh,
The pain was nothing more but secondary,
He passed through scathed,
Scarred with his Love.

But one adversary proved too many,
Death held his scythe so black,
Resistance he knew would prove futile,
But still he fought,
For he knew no fear.

He now rests upon his knees,
Death's final blow to be struck,
No sign of repentance from Love he shows,
For the greater purpose has been served,
The Lady lives free.